I can't think of any words to say. But don't beat yourself up for not deepening the interaction. You were in operational mode, not human connection mode. No matter how intense the feelings between you two was, it's a survival thing, to compartmentalize things when dealing with life and death situations. You're also dissociated from emotion and can't open up to it because you simply wouldn't be able to function if you did. So no feeling guilty, okay?

Maybe this kid will get it one day, maybe he won't. That is insignificant compared to the fact that you saved his life and gave him something to anchor him to it when it was imperative.

You're scarred and loved ones will always have a very hard time coping with this, it's because they hurt when you hurt. The important thing is they love you, even if they don't have the tools a therapist does.

The fact that you're even writing this is amazing, I don't know you but I'm so proud of you. Don't stop trying to come to terms with your relationship with this period of your life. If you keep going you will reach somewhere always. The best we can do is aim as best as we can and just keep going.