I wish I could be a woman

Have the opposite gender pine for me and fight over me... Having dating dynamics cater to me.

My experience says this isn't the case at all for some of us. I've asked folks out in the past. Turns out men aren't into ugly, awkward women, lol. Fair play, we've all got our preferences. I have female friends who have also never experienced male attention IRL. It's not that uncommon - we're just easy to overlook, especially in middle age+.

As for the general point, I think the trade-off here is agency vs. choice. Men are still mostly expected to make the first move in dating, even with all the social changes. For some of my male friends, that pressure and the move to apps has been isolating, hopeless, and dehumanizing (especially on apps, where people can write laundry lists of their requirements). It's understandable if a man wishes he had more choice and less responsibility to initiate.

The flip side for women is that if you're either moderately attractive, young-looking, or in a category of woman that's often fetishized (Asians, for example), you get a lot of people to choose from, but almost no control over who finds you attractive and whether it matches you own tastes. On apps, my friends have gotten lots of messages from men who are threatening, immediately and extremely sexual without any sense of boundaries, and who don't accept a no because they've been taught it means "try harder." This isn't the majority of men. However, it's many more than you'd expect, based on the whole population. Reason? Maybe the assholes aren't afraid to loudly shit on everything, while more of the kind yet anxious men are afraid of rejection, and bothering the women they like.


/r/TrueOffMyChest Thread Parent