I feel really good about these relationships when I'm able to create them. I start being able to feel a bunch of feelings that I would have wanted to for my mom, had she been loving and I didn't resent her in entirety.

For example, I had this feeling the other week when I was at therapy that I wanted to see a picture of my therapist when she was my age. Mind you, I don't feel anything when I see pictures of my mom at my age. I stared at her hands one day for a minute or two wanting to know what they look like. Putting sentimental into women who aren't my mom.

I also got this, mind you embarrassing as an adult, feeling of wanting to crawl into the lap of these women. Or literally, just like even go to their homes for dinner. Anything.