I wish I wasnt black sometimes

I don't hate being black. I love being black, I love our people, I love the diversity of black people and all the wonderful people and cultures we have

But living in a western country, it just absolutely sucks. Discrimination everywhere we turn, unconscious and often hidden, in job applications, to universities, to even 'friends' bantering you

1: He said that there is discrimination EVERYWHERE. (NOTE the capitalized letters). By using the extreme term of EVERYWHERE, this concludes to be a NEGATIVE thinking pattern.

2: Social paranoia (racism hidden in job applications, everywhere we turn.)

On top of the everyday racism, you get institutional racism, you get policies like Brexit which further alienate people who are deemed "the others"

3: He feels ALIENATED from others, feels as if he is seen to be an "other." Again Social Paranoia and avoidant behavior.

I'm young but an adult, and just getting to grips with how much discrimination is in the world, as well as all the fucked up inequalities just gets to my head.

4: He sees how much discrimination is in the world and its GETTING IN HIS HEAD. (That means its stressing him out and causing him anxiety.)

You walk down the street and people will hate you. For no reason. People will grab on to their handbags, cross the road because they see a n1gg3r walking towards them so obviously theyre a threat. Stuff like that is hurtful.

5: You walk down the street and people will "hate." Again a social paranoia. He is HYPER VIGLALANT about the people around him and he is PERCEIVING other peoples lines of thinking based on their physical reactions.

I have an identity crisis. Am I British? I was born in the UK, raised, went to school, have British friends, integrate and participate in the culture, watch football every week, go to the pub with my friends, moan about the weather and I love a cheeky nandos. But am I REALLY British? Some people would deem not. I don't know anymore

Am I African? The only connection I have is to my parents who were born there. But at this point they've been in England longer than they've lived in their home countries. I don't even speak the language.

Sometimes I truly see myself as wishing I was white, because I feel like shit would be easier. I'm not saying white people don't have problems, of course they do, we all have problems, but I feel like I'd be more grounded in society and life if I was white and living in this country.

6: THIS JUST SPELLS OUT IDENTITY CRISIS. NOT INCLUDING THE TITLE.

People often are confused by this, but I ask anyone here who isn't black a question; If you had a choice to wake up tomorrow and stay the same or wake up and you're black, which would you choose?

7: WHY WOULD THIS EVEN BE A QUESTION TO THINK ABOUT. IT LEADS TO NEGATIVE LINES OF THINKING.

It's a fucked up mentality but that's just how I feel some days. Maybe i don't really but I'm just depressed af today. Idk.

8: HE IS JUST SPELLING IT ON OUT HERE!

9: NOTE THAT HE DOES NOT MENTION "SPECIFIC" OCCURRENCES IN ANY OF THEM. THIS IS SPOKEN ABOUT GENERALLY AND BECAUSE OF MANY INSTANCES FROM HIS PAST, HE VIEWS THE WORLD NEGATIVELY. HE HAS NO POSITIVE INSIGHT AND THINKS RACISM IS JUST "EVERYWHERE!"

THINKING PATTERNS SUCH AS THESE CORRELATE TO CLINICAL DEPRESSION AND PTSD FROM PREVIOUS OCCURRENCES.

MORE THAN LIKELY BECAUSE HIS DUMBASS "FRIENDS" BANTERED (BULLIED OR HAZED) HIM IN SCHOOL SO MUCH THAT HE GREW A NEGATIVE TAKE ON SOCIETY COMPLETELY AND SOMETIMES WISHES HE CAN BE WHITE.

If I could draw you a picture I certainly would. But here is the only one I can do.

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/r/offmychest Thread Parent