This is gonna be a lot but I'll try to make it as short as possible. I'm 40 my husband is 43. We married when I was 18 and he was 21. In 2008 I discovered he had been having an affair for months with a woman at work. Not someone younger, or skinnier. Someone who was 4 years older than him and a good sized woman. I was floored. I had been faithful to him. We stayed together and tried to work on things. He would never say he wanted out but was extremely cold to me for months. He kept working at the job where the woman was, night shift. I would literally lay in the floor and cry when he was gone. She got fired about a year and a half later and that gave me some relief. I had no support to leave him, from family. My parents (strictly religious) advised me to stay, and asked me what will you do if you leave?! You have two kids, sons, 10 and 12 at the time. How will you support them?! I had been a stay at home mom. I ran a home daycare center for years to help my husband support us. My parents said that...everyone makes mistakes and that my husband had been a "good worker" our entire marriage and that men like that are hard to come by. I feel I was in the midst of a nervous breakdown. I did tell my husband that if he wanted out, I wanted him to go. He stayed. So fast forward to now, 8 years later. My kids are grown. One went through college and is in a great job. The other lays on the couch all day while I'm working and is making no effort to find a job. My husband was injured a few years ago and no longer works. I work all the time and feel completely alone. My husband and I are very distant from each other. We've talked about it recently and he says that he can't reach me...I don't see that much effort though. I do love him, but he's always been emotionally unavailable. I got used to it over the years. I'd also like to add that I have struggled with depression over the years. Also, when I'm away from here, I feel happy. My question is... What do I do? How do I know if it's my depression that makes me want to get in my car and leave, or the damage from the affair that just can't be healed. I'm so confused, miserable and lonely. Thank you for any advice.