Women of reddit, what question about men do you wish to be answered?

I can't speak for other guys, but I would just say be normal. It can be a bit awkward just because there might be a week or two where neither of you know what roles to play.

Your question took me back to something that happened about 10 years back. There was a girl I was good friends with. We met during study abroad. It was not long after my brother died and we also met second term, so there wasn't much time for a relationship to develop. Between dealing with my brother's suicide and the limited time I didn't want a girl friend. My friend was a really good person. I knew she would be a good partner, but it was just bad timing.

She kind of brought it up one evening while we were walking to my apartment. I was having a little party for another of our friends that just got into grad school. I just flat out told her I didn't want a girl friend at the moment. She accepted that and we kept hanging out, usually in a larger group. We kept in touch after our study abroad ended.

A year later we both finished school and got jobs in the country we studied abroad in, but opposite sides of the country. About half a year in she came to a city a couple hours from me for a couple days (work related). We met up for a day, rented some bikes and cycled around the city. It was a good time.

We both had summer vacations coming up so I asked if it would be ok to visit her for a week or so. I enjoyed her company and wanted to spend some time with her. I really didn't give it any more thought than that.

I went to visit her. She picked me up from the airport. On the way back to her place she told me she was, and I quote "Going to get me drunk and rape me." I didn't take it literally, but it also didn't sound like she was joking. Now, this surprised me completely. For one she was still a virgin. The last I could remember she had wanted to wait until she was married (or at least engaged). It didn't sound like her. It also didn't make much sense (to me) in the context of our relationship.

Before I could even think about it I said something dumb like "that's not why I'm here." Which I'm sure she probably took as a rejection. It wasn't really. It was much more of a "I don't understand what the fuck just happened. Defend the boundaries of our current relationship until I understand. Don't show interest until you know you're interested. Don't push her away. Just maintain status quo til I understand this a bit better."

It was an awkward but good week. She respected the boundary I set. I don't think either of us really knew what to do. I did tell her at one point that she was the kind of girl I wanted to marry. She told me she'd been getting really hormonal and wanted her first time to be with someone she knew cared about her. Both of those statements were spread out over days.

There was actually another guy that she had met. Just an acquaintance really. My last day there he called and she had to try and explain to him what the relationship with this guy that had been staying with her for a week was. She told him I was like a brother.

I'm not sure that that actually captured our relationship or not. But I knew I didn't want a long distance relationship or just a hook up (with her). It did provide a model for how to act with each other. Ten years later and we still message each other from time to time. The relationship has gotten a bit thin due to time and distance, but I still think of her as my little sister.

I say keep your question simple because there is a lot less to object too. I'm not sure why I responded the way I did. One of my ex girlfriends had taken advantage of my brother's suicide to have sex with me in a bid to get back together. So it could have been the rape reference. It could have just been that it didn't sound like her. It sounded like some BS she got from a friend or a magazine. But I was there to spend time with her. I wanted to be talking to her. If that makes any sense.

If you keep it simple you simplify what the have to react to.

/r/AskReddit Thread Parent