Sounds to me like you have a problem with the way your family does things, not Islam itself.

In my family it's every person for themself - there is no one waking people up, there is no one cooking for others, there is no hierarchy of men over women. My father gave my sister who is a few years older way more freedom growing up than me, his son. When you read the Quran, it tells you countless times how forgiving and how merciful God is and that he wishes you no hardship (even during Ramadan).

It's a shame when family traditions / cultural traditions warp a person's perception of Islam. I don't agree with it at all and find the whole male/female hierarchy thing in certain cultures/households to be ridiculous and I don't blame people questioning Islam when it is materialises into that