I'm late to the party, but here goes. I'm sorry for the rough writing.
At sleepovers in middle school, I remember going on Omegle or Chatzy and feeling giddy and excited with my other 12 year old friends at the attention we'd get for 'not looking our age'. Usually by 16-22 ish year old looking guys. While this isn't directly relevant to my experience, I vehemently believe that this solidified this dynamic for me.
I posted on Whisper when I was 17. While my age range was set to 15-17, a man, 18-22 (I believe is what the range is? I don't remember exactly, I apologize) messaged me with a cute, joking response. We talked for a while. I gave him my snapchat. I told him my age, and I distinctly remember him not responding to that part of my message. He didn't seem to mind, so why would I?
He lived a country away from me. Think the Canada in relation to the US. He also told me that he was actually 24, but this was after 1 month of constantly messaging, and calling for 6 hours for nearly each night.
We became 'friends' for around a year.
During this time, I wasn't allowed to get a boyfriend. I was sort of allowed to have guy friends, but only because my friend group had already been boys. They couldn't come over though, and he made it clear that he would stop talking to me if I tried to prioritize them over him. This mainly meant that I couldn't take too long to respond if he texted me, and if he thought he might want to call me that night, I needed to stay home.
I'd like to clarify that he was not interested in a relationship with me. He told me my age was embarrassing to his family, and that if I were to meet them, I would need to lie that 1.) I was 19 and 2.) I was already in college, not high school as I had been.
By this time, almost all phone calls had stopped. I remember crying fairly often because of how much that hurt. It was the only affection that I was capable of 'earning'. I genuinely felt like I needed him, and he knew that. He definitely held that over my head a lot.
I won't go too much into the intimacy that is often expected in these relationships, but that experience warped my understanding of healthy sexuality. He wanted purity in a pornstar, and not a lot of underage girls understand what that would even entail, including me. I don't even think he did. It was still expected of me, or he wouldn't call or text anymore.
We did meet up. I spent my high school job savings, and lied to my parents about where I would be for a week. I got a passport, booked a hotel room, and I gave him my virginity. I drove over 8 hours.
I think my experience was unique in a lot of ways, because the abuse and controlling behavior was in a purely long-distance relationship. It's still difficult to understand the damages that went with that relationship. The dependency and fear that he used weaponizing my insecurities is so sick. I doubt he even thinks he did anything wrong.