My mother's middle name could be "verbal abuse". She is a manipulative, hypocritical, and probably mentally ill, though if you suggest she get help for that, you will land in her bad books for a good long time.

My relationship with her has always been best at a distance, and going by her inexplicably racist rant the other day, there will be even more distance because you don't say the things she did to your mixed race child, even if that "child" is in her 40's.

In general, I treat her like a two year old, and it works. This will blow over and we won't talk for months, there will be a few pleasant little conversations at that point, followed by another reason for me to distance myself again. If it weren't for the 5,000 miles between us, we probably wouldn't even be on speaking terms at all.

So, I don't know if this is considered getting a better handle on anything, but I have a hard time caring anymore.