Women who’ve dated a “loser,” what made your ex a loser and what did you learn?

what i discovered was that even though on the surface i had decent self-esteem, i still felt like any love i received had to be earned, not freely given. for two reasons: a) because love that i earned is safer than love freely given. all my sacrificing and working hard for it means that if they gave it to me they ''couldn't'' take it away when it comes out i'm not as loveable or great as they think (oh yes they can) and b) if i'm stuck with this loser who doesn't love me no matter what i do... am i really that disappointed? beneath all the lying to myself and him about how secretly awesome he is, i know he's not that great. if i never get his love, it will not only confirm what i believe to be true about myself, but it won't hurt as bad as someone i actually got my hopes up over/who treated me well and had their shit together.

/r/AskWomen Thread Parent