How about a concrete ongoing scheduled plan? We have date night. Each person once a month takes turns planning one.

Saying you just need to take initiative is kinda not a good plan in that were then hinging their ability to change their mental state right now to be different and that doesnt come overnight and often needs to be directly addressed with the roots of what is underlying. Its bigger than he just sucks at planning. It's not wrong for us to internalize that as them not caring after you expressed your needs and it not being met, but I dont think thats accurate either.

It's shitty but I also have come to realize my husband has so many hang ups that hinder him from being a initiative type person at times. So the step was having actionable plans we decided on together than just here take the wheel because I'm tired. You are valid to feel tired but fixes don't often come from disengagement as the solution but effort on both parties to step forward together. If you're tired then maybe a 3rd party is needed to help navigate the waters of communication and to be the accountability coach for both.