So this is gonna be long sorry lol I've been with my guy for 12 years... I had loads of friends at the start of our relationship, but things became toxic between me and my partner in terms of jealousy.. I was his first everything so he wanted me all to himself and I was young and naive and let it happen. I had to drop out of school for other reasons and I slowly lost touch with my friends cause they were all going off to college and having a life (I'm very happy for them) eventually due to things that happened in my life (trauma, medical issues) I developed social anxiety and I lost my hearing too so making new friends was the most difficult thing for me to do as I didn't have hearing aids to help me.. So I was insecure alot.

So of course my partner got his wish, he was the only one in my life then.. So it stayed that way for our whole relationship.. He didn't want me to have friends for alot of years and then he worked on his jealousy and isn't like that any more thank god.. But after 12 years it's hard for me to make friends still.. I was trying all those years even while he was jealous.

To say its lonely is the biggest understatement.. He doesn't see me much and has never understood my loneliness because he's always had friends and been able to do his own thing. So when he stays away I'm literally on my own completely... And sometimes he will do this for weeks and weeks.. Its been especially hard with covid.. Honestly ive seen him probably three months out of the entire 12 months. He kinda says that I'm extroverted in a negative way.. Like it's a bad thing.. Its more just needing others for company.. To talk to... I'd love to know that someone really wants to talk to me and is excited to see me for a change.. I always feel like the person who wants to see others but no one wants to see me kinda thing.. If he didn't have a job to go to and didn't have his friends I honestly think he would understand why I'm driven mad by loneliness, especially if I didn't see him for weeks like he does with me. He will never understand. He's very extroverted. I'd like to be but I'm just not.. I think alot of people don't understand the dangers of loneliness and what it can do to a person.. So I feel for anyone who is going through it!

I usually try to keep busy, and honestly I just try to be my own best friend now.. Take myself to places I wanna go, Try new cafés, Be around family as much as possible, I've got a dog and he's my best friend lol we go for walks.. Play... I play video games and do work on my laptop.. I try to do the things that make me happy, I do alot of writing also, and I pretty much wait for my partner to want to hangout then as that's my only source of a social life in that sense. I'm going back to college in September for the first time and I really hope I can make some friends, I got my hearing aids and I'm working on my social anxiety so maybe it will work this time lol if I broke up with him and started dating I probably wouldn't show that I'm completely alone just incase someone would try take advantage of my loneliness. I would state over the months slowly but surely that I've decided to start a new chapter so to speak and he just came into my life at that time.. Honestly I would suggest do whatever makes you feel most secure and comfortable. You don't owe anyone an explanation.. Its your life.