I won’t date black men.

You won’t date and you’re not attracted are two different things.

It is perfectly ok to have an attraction or lack there of, even if it doesn’t make sense. Be kind to yourself. You’re here asking this question, you’re not some racist that lacks any sort of empathy, you’re someone that has only learned from their own experience.

Racism is a very interesting one in this regard. Let’s be clear, I’m a white, cis, 28yo woman. I have dated black men, however I am absolutely not an expert on any count. What I will say though is the self exploration I’ve done when it comes to finding a black man uncomfortable when I’ve allowed so much more from a white man. And when I was younger I might have been noticed or talked to, but the only men that have raped me were white.

I think about how this was historically, at least in the US. White women were seldom able to get their way with their own husbands, but could easily ruin a life if the person was a different color. I have noticed that I feel uncomfortable feelings around black men. And let me make this very clear right now, in my experience my feelings have no basis other than my internalized racism. It is likely one of the hardest things I’ve had to mentally come to terms with. Telling my own brain that I have no reason to believe someone is a threat, but still feeling so.

I guess what I’m saying is give yourself grace. There is an element to all of this where you just want to feel outside of it, “I could never be the type of person that could feel/think a,b,c, and d, I’m not that kind of person, I don’t believe my own reactions.”

Ultimately ask these questions, do you, try your hardest to be understanding. And when you can be for yourself, explore and try to understand those around you.

It is grotesquely unfair and unfounded for me to feel the way I do at some points. But I know it. And I try very hard to keep that in mind. I can’t change how I feel, but I can change how I think about how I feel.

You’re not alone. Personally, I don’t feel like this feeling is right. I think it’s conditioned. And that’s disgusting, but I didn’t do it to myself. The best I can do is inform myself, stick to my morals, and thing VERY critically about what morals I attach to who.

Idk. I’ve been abused alot more by white men. But I still fear black men. Typing that sentence makes me sick. I hate that in myself, but I gotta get it out if I have any chance of changing it.

/r/dating Thread