That's interesting I am born in a female body have been socialised as a woman however I now identify as non binary/non conforming if i where to label it I don't particularly feel comfortable being called a woman although i don't mind she/her as It feels more feminine and I'm definitely not a man although i am masculine as well. I have the same feeling as you what is a women? what is a man? I think we are spiritual beings experiencing human life. It's all a human construct what a man and woman is if you ask 100's of people most will have an answer of what society has made them think it is not actually what they think because when It comes down to actually defining a man or woman they are just words people use to call others on how someone looks people decide themselves what it mean for them. I think do what you want to do and what makes you feel comfortable you should do. Ruminating about the future wont do anything for you other than cause you anxiety so working with what you have and are in control of right now maybe will help you feel more at ease. I think trying to find something to label define ourselves is so we feel secure and validated in how we feel however we are progressive creatures and i feel as if we are continuously flowing through feminine and masculinity in all of us some more one end or the other or equal amounts boxing yourself limits us to experience all we are capable of what we want to do and enjoy.

I can relate because I want surgery to look more feminine to feel prettier and that desire makes you upset with what you have now you compare yourself to this imaginary perfect idea in your mind that isn't real and in that you never are really present right now. I know i'm not trans but I feel masculine inside my body even thought i was born with a female body and i don't like it sometimes how i feel inside however learning to embarrass what i do have right now on the outside by makeup and clothes and accessories really helps me.

Breaking societies norms of what is boxed to look like a man or woman is so outdated i still don't know why clothes sections in shops are separated by gender.

Idk if anything i wrote resinated but hopefully it helped somewhat. When i feel anxious about how i look and surgery i want and feel shit about myself I listen to alan watts and do yoga and remember how i look isn't everything like media makes out it's how I am inside is separating myself from my body has helped me... seeing myself as some entity that's experiencing human life through this body.