Be me
Stacey
Very popular
Popular enough that most people would know they're beneath me.
Randomly catching up with some loser named Anaon
Blurt out that I'm having my birthday in 2 weeks
Anaon tries to invite themselves
I shut that down like the boss bitch that I am
FML I'm awesome, yeet
Don't think there's anyone else in this world as perfect as I am
Except for my stupid slut friend Jenny
She's such a whore
I love her
With Anaon suitably out of the picture I can get back to working on my pArTaYyyyYY!
Never understood what throwing a shitty birthday party was like and I'm not about to start!
Get everything put together
Some of my lame bitch friends have kids so I even get them a BOUNCY HOUSE WHAAAAAAATTTTT?!
I make like 700 shots because it's going to be fucking insane in here!
The next two weeks are a blur of "THIS MY BIRTHDAY MONTH YO!" and well wishes on my facebook wall
Enough people say they're coming that I have to rent a fucking venue HOW CRAZY IS THAT
Bounce house people are on board
Big day is here February 1 baby!
I get some voicemails from the catering people... COVID? The fuck is COVID?
Voicemails and texts start pouring in
Get to the venue to make a fashionably late entrance like the BAD BITCH I AM
Place is a ghost town
Like a handful of people I barely know are there
They're talking about how everyone is a bitch for not showing up
Weird
We have just enough alcohol to GET WRECKED and I think everyone has fun anyway
A few weeks pass
Running small fever
Coughing (maybe it's from the dank? Holla!)
Having a lot of trouble breathing
Man I am fucking tired constantly
Just achy as fuck
mustbegettingold.mp4
Man my chest is killing me
Go to eat something- nothing has any flavor anymore
And I can't keep it down
Still on parents health plan so I go to the ER
COVID? The fuck is COVID?
Rushed to a bed
World turns black
Feel as though I'm drifting endlessly through a void
Darkness consumes the world around me as far as the eye can see
Seems like days pass
Feels like an eternity
Wake up
Monitors around me are steadily beeping
Everyone around me wearing a mask
Explain that I've been intubated and in a medically induced coma
Barely survived the COVID
THE FUCK IS COVID?
Apparently some stupid thing about masks and saving old people?
Early part of March I am finally free
Still a little short of breath and all, but doctors tell me that I made a reasonably good recovery, probably because I'm young
Decide to go drinking to celebrate my recovery
The bars are closed?
WHAT THE FUCK
Go to buy alcohol
... everywhere is sold out?
WHAT THE FUCK
I go home
Start chatting with people to try and catch up with everything that happened
Get MAD likes for my post about how strong I am
Decide to get on Tinder because my house is crazy stupid boring and maybe I can find someone with alcohol or weed
Get a match
Since I'm Stacy baddest bitch that ever lived he wants to meet TONIGHT
Driving over to his house there is like no traffic
He and I are exchanging texts the whole time
He has a pathetic dick but of course I tell him it's a monst-
Last thing I hear is a truck horn
World turns black
Feel as though I'm drifting endlessly through a void
Darkness consumes the world around me as far as the eye can see
Seems like days pass
Feels like an eternity
I grow larger
My prison shrinks smaller and smaller
Struggle against the walls
A piece crumbles away
I crawl through a hole towards the light
Clawing my way on top of a branch
I spread my beautiful wings to the sun
The whole time I was a butterfly
Who only dreamed she was a Stacy
Branch is overlooking the bay window of a suburban home
Looks like a fat kid staring at a computer crying
Thank god I don't have the concerns of man