When I'm at home, whether I'm alone, with my husband, or my roommate (we've been friends for ten years) I can kind of forget about it a little because I'm extremely comfortable with them. But as soon as I have to leave the house, or somebody is coming over, I feel gross and self loathing and sorry for myself. I hate that I have to put on a garment that is uncomfortable and so tight that it can literally cause health problems. And if I don't want to wear it I have to pay money. And even though I'm comfortable with my husband, being intimate always causes me dysphoria. I'm not gonna go into it but I do things that help but I still hate that I don't have the correct body. I don't like that I have to pay money just to get the correct chemicals in me. I feel bitter that I didn't get to have the childhood / teenage years that I wanted. I try really hard to have a positive outlook but it's honestly a really shitty situation for me. I get that not everybody feels the same way but I would kill to have been born cis.