"Wow, that kid never goes home. She's here year-round."

I've met a lot of people over the years through my job, volunteering, hobbies, spiritual work, and political activism. I'm pretty choosy about who I hang out with like most RBN people, but as time has passed the few folks I allowed in have become family to me.

I realized early on that I need to have a job to do in order to enjoy social situations; understanding this about myself helped me to get over a lot of social awkwardness. When you do volunteer work, you automatically have something in common with folks, and shared work/purpose gives you something to talk about.

Hobbies work the same way. Have you ever heard of the SCA? It's a huge group of medieval reenactment nerds who put on big events like battles and feasts and workshops; everybody is just lovely, and when you join an SCA household? Boom. Family. I've met some wonderful friends there.

I'm an avid cook, and I live in a big old house that's perfect for entertaining, so I throw a big dinner party every week. It isn't anything formal or fancy; taco night is a thing here! But gathering people around a table full of good food is just magic for forming relationships. I'm fairly quiet, so I generally invite one or two of my more interesting/talkative friends to keep the conversation going.

And you know? I think that being a kind, loving person has really helped. I've slogged through a decade and a half of therapy, and I've practiced meditation for a long time. I help people for a living; kindness is my core value. I've learned how to be an active listener, and while I'm generally reserved, I'm very affectionate with people that I let in.

So I guess it takes work, but it's totally worth it. In spite of all the hell I went through growing up I'm a pretty blissful person. I think that part of it is my age as well; I'm turning 50 this month, so I've just had a lot of time to both work through my shit and to form good friendships.

/r/LifeAfterNarcissism Thread Parent