[WP]2000 years from now, history is misunderstood and retold as a series of myths where nations are represented as individual gods,citizens as worshipers and corporations and NGOs as demons/angels(lesser gods).Chronicle current world crises in the style of ancient myths.

"Off to sea you must venture, and back you shall come", the Oracle proclaimed, and America, the newborn, watched in respectful silence. "With the weapon needed to capture that which you lost." That which she had lost, America knew, was Freedom. Her hamster. "And what weapon is that that I must seek?" America asked, on her knees. The Oracle of Google paused. "A net." "Anette?" America asked, confused. "Like a person called Anette?" "Not Anette. A net. A net to capture your Freedom back", Google replied. "Talk to the ancients. They can help you." So it was that America climbed the highest mountain in the kingdom, carrying nothing but her own, glorious eagle-like image, to talk to the ancients. Three times she banged on the door, and waited. PRRRRRRRRRRRR PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ZZZZZZzzzZZZZZzzIIIIuuuuuiiiiiuuuu. PRRRRL. America rolled her eyes. She knew the ancient ones liked things done the old way, but still. Dial up connection was annoying. Finally, the connection was through, and the door opened. "What brings you to our chambers, America?" Altavista uttered, from the middle throne. By his side, Napster slept. "I seek help to retrieve Freedom." "What the fuck is Freedom?" The third ancient, by Napster's side, uttered. "Manners, Yahoo", Altavista whispered. "I apologize for my friend. He's in a bad mood since... Two thousand and two." "Freedom is my hamster and my true love", America said, stepping inside the castle. "I want to find him and bring him back." "For this quest you shall need... the net!", Altavista uttered, loud enough that it woke up Napster. "Uh? What?" "Nothing, Nap. Go back to sleep." Altavista turned again to America. "You need to find the Neutrality Net." "What is the Neutrality Net?" America asked, confused. "It's a fantastic weapon that works like this: no one knows exactly what it does, but people generally agree that it's a good weapon, because all the bad guys hate it." "Oh, all right..." "You need to find it. With that net, you will be able to capture back the Freedom that was stolen from you." "Oh man, this is starting to sound so cringey", Napster whispered, going back to his nap. "Where do I find this net?" America asked. "I don't know, but I got a bunch of stupid startups I bought you can look through", Yahoo uttered, cranky. "Don't mind him. America, to find the net, you'll have to venture on to the Internet Ocean." "THE INTERNET OCEAN?" "THE INTERNET OCEAN?" "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LET ME SLEEP I'M OLD AND TIRED!" Said America, Yahoo and Napster, respectively. America knew what lied beyond the friendly seas of the empire. Memes that seemed cool for like a week, then turned sour and dangerous and incredibly dull and made people who used them wrong or too late feel bad enough to kill themselves. Islands filled with gifs of cats that could drive a man to insanity -- wasting away years looking at just one more cute little kitten bumping its paws on stuff. Weird, weird, porn stuff drifting and floating all around. And deep inside, under the surface... America heard the legends. She shivered. "You need to go and find... The one the world is grateful." "What?" With difficulty, Altavista got up from his throne. "You need to find the one the world is grateful for all things. Only he has the power to give you your net back." "Who is this... one the world is grateful for all things?" Altavista sighed. Yahoo grunted. Napster snorted. "He is the one the world says thanks. You have to find him, and you have to ask him for the net. The Neutrality Net. It is the only way." Altavista reached America and gave her an old scroll of parchment. "Say these words when you find him." America looked down. The paper read, in black cursive handwriting: Thanks, Obama.

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