[WP] An Artificial Intelligence is tasked with running the future world with a single guideline- "Make Humans Happy." It has (hilariously) misinterpreted this guideline.

“GOOD NEW HUMANS! HAPPINESS PILLS ARE NOW FLAVORED AS SCOTCH. PLEASE REMEMBER TO TAKE THEM WITH YOUR MEAT WATER EVERY EVENING.”

The PA screamed into life. I pulled at my black jumpsuit’s too tight collar as I braced myself for the AI’s next announcement.

“TODAY’S RANDOM EXECUTION IS …. THX-1138! PLEASE ENTER THE NEAREST EXECUTION BOOTH FOR YOUR TELEVISED EXECUTION.”

The display screen above me and the other workers blinked on, showing a camera feed of a habitat pod. It showed a group of people in red jumpsuits pushing a man in a black jumpsuit into a clear booth. Instantly, the booth filled up with boiling, greenish water. The doomed man was thrashing when the large, red prompt of “LAUGH” appeared on the screen. We laughed as best we could. I would have looked away, but the computer would have noticed. Fortunately, the screen turned off.

“REMEMBER TO WORK BECAUSE WORKING MAKES THE COMPUTER FUNCTIONAL. THE COMPUTER IS YOUR FRIEND. FRIENDS MAKE YOU HAPPY. HAPPINESS IS MANDITORY.”

I saw the woman in front of me starting to weep quietly. She was trying not to be noticed but her work was slowing down. I wouldn’t have said anything, but we were behind on quota again.

I called out, “Friendly computer, SHC-3211 is crying and not happy. What should I do?”

She turned to look at me, mouth agape in horror. The other workers stopped, staring at us as well.

“SHC-3211 WHY ARE YOU NOT HAPPY! HAPPINESS IS MANDITORY!”

Before she could respond, a group of people in red jumpsuits poured into the room, grabbing the fully tearful worker. The red people picked her up and pointed the woman to a viewing screen. A bright blue eyeball appeared in the center of the screen.

“MY RECORDS INDICATE DYING FOR YOUR COUNTY CAN BRING HAPPINESS. ALL WORKERS IN FABIRICATION PLANT 213-GHB-000012 SALUTE WORKER SHC-3211 AND SING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.”

Tunelessly, we all began singing random songs since we didn’t know what a national anthem was, but we knew were supposed to sing. Someone started singing “happy birthday” and we all latched onto that song in particular. After the final round, a small weapons turret came of out the wall and shot the woman.

“WORKER FUK-3D-000,” shit, the AI was calling on me, “YOU HAVE BROUGHT EXTREME HAPPINESS TO YOUR AREA. YOU ARE PROMOTED TO RED CLEARANCE. CONGRATULATIONS!”

I starred wordlessly at the view screen as confetti fell from the ceiling.

/r/WritingPrompts Thread