The five of us climbed up over the ridge, and finally, after several grueling hours of hiking, we were on top of the mountain.
Oh, it was nothing too big or fancy, this mountain. I don't think it even had a name. And there were a bunch of higher peaks off to our West, and a couple to our East as well, but even so, for a group of recent college-grad city slickers, it felt like a real athletic accomplishment of some sort.
Brianna, Ashley, and Sophie all stood, side by side, at the edge of the cliff-wall overlooking the valley below. The morning fog-layer had not yet completely burned away, so the forest of pine trees in the base of the canyon were mostly obscured by a long, narrow, grayish-white whisp of cloud, which traced the natural curvature of the landscape between the mountains. But the tips of some of the tallest trees just barely poked up through the fog, into the cold, crystal clear air above.
“Oh my god, it's so beautiful!”, Brianna squealed, as she cupped one of her hands to her brow, and took in the view.
Dave and I were standing about 20 feet back, directly behind the three girls, admiring an altogether different sort of beautiful “view”. Ashley's buttocks in particular, seemed to be putting a pervertedly wonderful amount of strain on the seams of the upper rear portion of her jeans.
I felt a slight nudge against my arm, and Dave was leaning over to whisper into my ear, “Hey, Vince, which one you got dibs on? We gotta figure this out NOW, or we'll end up clusterfucking each other's shit during the campfire tonight, and neither of us will get fucking laid!” He had this sort of unintentionally comically-frantic kind of a whisper, which belied the jovial, laid-back expression on his face (just in case any of the girls turned and glanced back at us, I guess).
“Uh...” I pondered for a second or two, secretly enjoying Dave's growing sense of panic and urgency as he awaited my answer, “...well... ...I guess uh...” Dave looked like his eyes were going to explode if I milked it much longer, “...I guess I'll take Ashley?” I finally answered.
“Oh thank FUCK. I was worried for a sec you might pick Brianna. Those tits are just...” his voice trailed off, and he was gazing wistfully at Brianna's back now.
Almost as if on cue, Brianna turned and looked at us, and Dave quickly snapped out of whatever horny little one-way daydream he was having with her, and looked up at her face.
“You GU-UUUYS! What are you guys DOING over there!? Come on, you have to see the view, it's AMAAAAZING!!!” she screamed, jumping up and down slightly with each vowel.
Dave walked up the narrow path in the dirt, and I followed behind him.
He came to a stop next to Brianna, and in the most faux-casual way imaginable, rested his arm around her hip, pulled his phone out of his pocket with his other hand, and said, “Hey! Mountaineering Selfieeeee! Say cheeeeese!” and snapped a photo of the two of them, the side of his cheek pressed slightly against hers.
“Here, wait, Sophie's phone has the best camera,” said Brianna, “c'mon everyone squish together, let's use hers and do a group-selfie!” Brianna glanced over at me, as I was still standing a couple feet back behind all of them, as she reached for Sophie's phone.
“Vince, get in here!” she yelled, ordering me around in that fun, cheerleader-y tone of voice that sorority girls always seem to use in these situations.
I squeezed in, between Ashley and Brianna, and Brianna held the phone out on one of those horrible selfie-sticks, taking a few awkward seconds to get the framing just right, so the trips of the trees behind us were in the shot. All three of the girls held up peace signs, Dave made the devil's horns sign with his hand, and I just stood there, as the token introvert, not making any hand-signs at all. I managed to muster a small, Mona Lisa-esque smirk for the photo, but that was about as far as my forced-glee went. Besides, I could feel the soft warmth of Ashley's body pressed up against my side, and I was too busy focusing on not getting an inopportune erection to bother with much else.
“Yayyyy!!! It looks AWESOME! Here, look!” Brianna flipped the phone over and showed everyone the pics she had just taken. Ashley and Sophie ooh'd and aah'd predictably. The pictures were mediocre at best, but I gave a nod of approval. “Fucking beautiful photography Brianna,” said Dave, “you really know how to make me look even more handsome than I already am!” Brianna elbowed Dave playfully in the ribs, and then handed the phone back to Sophie.
“So!? When are we gonna eat!? Uggghhhh I'm STAAAAARVING!” whined Brianna, pouting her lips, playing the part of the hot sorority damsel in distress to the max. She curled her lips inwards against each other and gently poked at me and Dave with her index fingers. “Better go do your 'manly man stuff. Grrrrrr! Me find cave. Me make fire. Grrrrrr!” she teased, in what I guess was her immiation of a caveman voice.
Dave smirked cockily and said, “Have no fear, ladies, I watched all seven seasons of 'Survivorman'. I fucking GOT THIS SHIT yo.” All three of the girls rolled their eyes and turned away to go sit on a nearby boulder and chat while me and Dave walked off toward the pine trees to look for some wood to gather.
Once we were out of earshot, Dave was back in full perv-mode. “DUUUUhuhuhuhuuude... I caught like a GALLON of sideboob during that selfie. Holy shit bro. I think I'm feeling it. I think tonight might be the night. I think I might ACTUALLY get to fuck Brianna.” I looked at him, and watched as his facial expression morphed from one of pure joy, to slight panic, as if it just occurred to him that fucking Brianna would involve getting naked, in front of Brianna.
He glanced down at his crotch.
“Hey uh... Vince... do you think she cares much about... uh... you know?” he looked at me worriedly.
I raised an eyebrow, “about... what?” I asked, pretending not to understand the question, relishing the moment a bit more than I probably should have.
Dave glanced back and forth over each of his shoulders as if to make sure nobody else was around to hear, and continued, “...you know. ...the size... of... you know...” he motioned downwards with the side of his head, “...it.”
I pretended to frown contemplatively and said, “Ohhhhhh... ...right. Penis size. I forgot, you have kind of a smal-” “-DUDE,” he cut me off, and pressed his hand down against the air as if to shush me, “shut the fuck up about it!” he scream-whispered.
“Right, right... sorry,” I said, looking over his shoulders, pretending as if I cared as much as he did that the girls couldn't overheard our conversation.
“Yeah uh, I dunno man. I guess it's just kind of a game of luck, right? Some girls like it bigger. Some like it smaller, some don't care one way or the other. Just, luck of the draw, yeah?”
“Yeah,” he nodded, looking semi-relieved, “that sounds right.”
“Just uh... I dunno, maybe give her clit a whirl or two with your hand before you get down to the nitty gritty? Maybe that'll help?” I gave him a reassuring pat on the side of his arm.
His head was hanging down, looking towards the ground, and it bobbed up and down and side to side slightly as he nodded in agreement, “Yea... yea that's a good idea. I'll try to remember that. Thanks, Vince.”
“No problem, man,” I replied, with a tone of finality in my voice, indicating that we should get to collecting some firewood.
Dave took the hint, and we began walking around the area, collecting fallen twigs and branches. The smell of fresh pine sap wafted up into my nostrils, and some birds fluttered around on the trees above us, chirping merrily amongst themselves. I had almost forgotten how nice it was, out in nature, having spent the past four years holed up in good 'ole claustrophobia-inducing NYU.
The ground crunched slightly under our feet as we walked back up the ridge, towards the boulder where the girls were setting up the tents.
“Hey guys! What took you so long?” asked Brianna, panting slightly, her hands on her hips, just having pushed the last tent-pole into the semi-frozen soil. “Here,” she said, pointing at a small circle she had made out of pebbles, in a little clearing on the ground.
Dave and I carefully placed the various twigs and branches this way and that, as Dave droned on and on about how “Survivorman says you're supposed to put the ____ over ____ and the ____ under the ____” and so on and so forth, with a ludicrous look of self-appointed expertise on his face. It mostly looked like a tangled mess, from what I could see, but I didn't make too much fuss about it since I could tell he was trying to show off in front of Brianna.
Dave's face grew even more macho and serious-looking as he pulled his “fire-starter” out of his pocket and began flicking a piece of metal, shaped like a key, against a small cylinder of flint, sending tiny little showers of sparks into the tinder we had piled up in the fire-pit.
After about five minutes of this, beads of sweat were accumulating along the sides of his brow, and I lost my patience and pulled one of those little $0.50 Bic cigarette lighters out of my pocket and held the flame to the edge of the tinder, lighting the whole thing up in a matter of seconds.
Dave gave me a pissed off look, but kept his composure, not wanting to look like too much of an ass in front of the girls, and grumbled something like “Nice one, Vince.”
CONTINUED BELOW