Jesse rummages through her closet, her hair a mess as she pulls her greasy locks from out of her eyes, forcing her brunette hair into a bun. She clutches her skin, already feeling the acne beginning to grate her skin. 8 hours at McDonald's has that effect on a girl. And yet the power she's developed... this will change everything. Dating? College? If this pans out, She'll never need to take another course. And she'll have everything she's ever desired. To hell with dating. She was preparing to become a God.

Jesse scans a few old footballs from her tom boy days. There's some old clothing, and even a couple of toys from her childhood. Not surprising. Her mother always had a hard time throwing things away.

Where is it? Where the fuck is it? she shouts. She's only had these powers for a few hours now. So far, she's been a hobo, a serial killer, and even Joseph Gordon Levvit--who she can officially confirm has been friendzoned by Zooey Deschanel.

Jesse tosses the contents of dozens of bins along the marble floor. She can't find it. It almost seems futile. Until it finally appears, curled up along the floor, the mask twisted inside out. This will change everything! Jesse pulls it into her hand, admiring its power, knowing that her previous life has ended. That hope and change now await her...

Jesse forces the Barack Obama mask onto her face, immediately jumping out of window shouting, "Thanks, Obama!" And before Jesse can hit the floor, she finds herself at the seat of power, with all of humanity at her mercy.

Jeese was right. Just as suspected. You don't become president without making a few enemies. And in an attempt to appear as the President, Jesse had instantly become everything President Obama's critics had ever feared. In just the course of a couple of hours, she had become an amalgam of Hitler, Stalin and the antichrist. And occasionally the easter bunny (?). In just seconds, Jesse was an immortal time traveler with a forged birth certificate, traversing stars and galaxies.

Equipped with a handgun and Rick Santorum, Jesse began her new life, ready for all the adventures that Rick's paranoia would inevitably take her on.