[WP] " It's better to die as a good man than to live as a monster.''

I stood before that torch and shook it, trying to take the light for myself, but someone else was holding it. I didn't realize that early in life. I'd been a drunk and a cynic.

I was already an aged man of thirty before I had come to ridicule my own life for its sins. I had sinned to spare myself, but it dug a ditch deep, separating myself from anything I'd care for in the world. I was an idiot. The dirge that sings now only brings me shame, reminding me of my past. It's hard to forgive yourself, even if you did not know exactly what you had been doing.

I had decided to try to redeem myself. I didn't know how, frankly. I had every good intention to do so but no real knowledge in how to do so. I threw myself at anything I thought might help another.

I gave my few possessions to the poor, a homeless welfare organization of some kind. I kept only my clothes I had on me and a coat, hat, and gloves. This was sometime around October. I didn't intend for the winter to do me in so soon, but was that selfish? I don't think so, no. If we can't preserve ourselves we cannot preserve others.

I lived outside of a park. I didn't enjoy it so much at first, but I came into tune with it eventually, once I became more active. I didn't beg for food or money. I would help others and assist some who I thought might need it. I wasn't always right, but most were nice enough to tell me so kindly.

I was treated with disgust at times laying out there. A grimace at me. Old acquaintances stopping for moments and observe silently before turning and shuffling away. I don't blame them, no. I was once like them, but I shouldn't say that either, I could never absolve all of my sins.

But this was the melody which had followed my days. A stranger would occasionally ask for my services once word had gotten through the town and let me work for some food. I was always thankful. Some were gentle men, some, but few, would drag me along for the day and ship me off with nothing for it. I hated them, but I too forgave them. We were all sinners. I just want to talk to them again and help them understand their actions. Some need this, this outside intervention.

I've grovelled the ground for many months now. I studied the faces of the people I've seen. I'm happy finally. I may be scorned, pushed away, or made to look ridiculous, but I'm glad. I'll go on preaching and practicing the love that I know must be made manifest. I know now that I'm not the only one. If only that was known to me, if I had thought that way before, I don't think I could have been so bad before. But I've learned and I'll go on learning.

/r/WritingPrompts Thread