why is it that ive only felt the sting of cupid's arrow after a heartbreak? my body dances with each impact i turn cold my stomach turns and i want to puke i can clearly feel the heavy hole in my heart where his bullet made impact. oozing a cold dissapointment fuckin bulls eye cupid. good job.

through history he has been depicted as a cheery cherrub but ive only ever felt him as a fierce hunter of love stalking in the shadow of self-deluded obsessed devotion.

maybe through the centuries, watching what has become of love. has hardened his heart.

walks along the vegas strip with his hawaiian shirt glossy eye'd, grazing arms of passerby's with his finger tips. warmth. cold. leaves bullet casings among broken glass dove figurines.

maybe its not cupid i feel, but the shadow of heartbreak. his heartbreak, strong enough to sever into another being and act on its own dischord. i cant imagine the story of what happened but i know the darkest part of him is

my savior my liberator of love saved me from absolute devotion from someone who didnt recognize my humanity hit. i want to vomit he saved me from thinking about him every day hit. i still think about him everyday hit. he lied to me the entire time i knew him he kept a notebook to remember which girl i was. who i was, who he was to me.
hit. that one hurt.

he constructed a personality of my ideal, and did this to all the women he has cheated on me with. he never existed. for any of us. hit. was it ever love? did the light of cupid only strike one person, and damned me to live with this alone? hit. this cant be cupid, there is nothing loving about this. this is fucking cruel. how could he? hit.

i am in love with a ghost of a man who never existed. he never existed. he never existed! hit. but my love exists! if he never existed, what do i still love?! why is it his face i see when i think of it?

my body is more wounds then flesh at this point i feel as though a body hung in a barren tree, skinned alive in a hailstorm with an iv drip of ipecac. everything is a gift of more pain than i can compute everything makes me sick. and i cant move.

ice shards dig inbetween my muscle fibers and tendons etching regret into my marrow pain permiates every part of me over and over again my nerve endings cringe and recoil trying to escape lighting up a cerebral firework display that blinds overstimulated to the point of nonreaction swaying meat in a storm of cold

why am i still here? in this place?

because of love of love because of love of love of love of love i am here hit. fuckin bulls eye.