It was on a particularly average Sunday afternoon, that we nearly ceased to be.

Almost universally on that day, those people who were not immediately consumed with eating, being eaten, or fucking, had settled in to a lazy afternoon consuming whatever media they pleased, on a screen of their choice. It was one of those afternoons where every person on the planet, as if by some unseen force, seemed unable to rouse.

Had top meteorologists been able to tear themselves away from Top Chef or Top Gear, they'd have noticed a startling trend- the weather was utterly shit, simultaneously, everywhere in the world. Even in remote African communities, tribesmen poked their heads out briefly from their huts, before swiftly withdrawing them, with the resolve to hunt another day.

So it was then, that no one noticed the arrival of an odd little man in the middle of Times Square. His appearance was accompanied by a soft pop and the faint scent of cool ranch doritos; everything about him was beady, small, and unpleasant. He wore a tiny bowler hat, and a bright green vest, from which he seemed to conjure a variety of objects, regardless of their size or weight.

The creature first produced what appeared to be an old fashioned camera on a tripod, followed by a soap box. After setting up the camera, he leapt on to the soap box, (I hesitate to call it a leap, for his legs seemed incapable of such graceful movement) and snapped his fingers.

Instantly, his basketball-sized head was was visible on every screen the world over. Those same African tribesmen would have reported seeing it in pools of muddy water as well, had anyone asked them. He spoke only one sentence, but that was all he needed to set the human race to collectively shitting themselves for the next twelve hours:

"Due to lack of interest, tomorrow is cancelled." he wheezed.

With that, the little man disappeared from Times Square with both his apparatus, and our collective sanity. He left no explanation or instruction, only the lingering scent of Doritos.

*This is my first time trying this, but any and all constructive criticism, especially about grammar and formatting is extremely welcome. I'm trying to improve.