I strode into the Oval Office with an enormous sense of pride welling up inside me, though I had been a public figure long enough to be able to keep a straight face. I went over to the extravagant desk and ran my hand along it, just taking it all in. I'm the President.
Once I was ready to investigate my new workplace, I took a seat in the big chair and pulled open a drawer. I found a curious looking piece of paper which seemed quite aged. It had handwritten notes scrawled down half of it, and from the variety in penmanship seemed to have been authored by several individuals.
Pulling the sheet from the drawer and setting it on the pristine surface of the desk, I set to work reading:
Dear Future President of the United States of America,
I, Ronald Reagan, promise $350,000.00 to the next US President to resign from the Office within two days of inauguration. Why? Why not! Hahahaha. I have set up funds to be made available if I should die before someone takes the offer. All you must do is announce your resignation in a public address, and offer this note as your explanation, for everyone to see! C'monnnnn it'll be hilarious!
I, George Bush, will not take the offer but will instead throw an additional $400,000.00 onto the table if someone takes it! Reagan's a funny man, I like his style. I wonder how long it'll be before someone takes the money and walks? I really hope I get to watch the sucker announce it haha.
I, Bill Clinton, think this is hilarious and will give another $400,000.00 to the lucky winner! Hah!
I, George W. Bush, will toss another $650,000.00 into the pot. It's all I can do after the new presidential salary increase! This is starting to look profitable if anyone's willing to stand down for it.
I, Barack Obama, offer an additional $696,969.69 to whomever is willing to step down for Reagan's proposal. TROLOLOL!
I stared at the paper for a very long while, attempting to process this. Was this real? What were these men doing? What is any of this? Should I... no, of course not, I'm genuinely excited to serve the people and make a difference. And it's not like the pay is bad as it is. But an instant 2.5 million... on top of what I've already put away, this could make quite the instant retirement with my family. No more stressful politics. And it would certainly make for a memorable, unique place in history... a shameful one, no doubt. But does that matter?
The next day I stepped into the Briefing Room for a surprise national address. "Good citizens of the United States of America... I have a note to show you," I began anxiously.
^((Sorry if this was too ridiculous I just kinda went wherever I went))