3. [WP] A husband and wife both want to transition their genders but are afraid to ...

[WP] A husband and wife both want to transition their genders but are afraid to tell each other.

Dear John,

If I'm still in the house while you're reading this, please stop right here. Wait until I'm gone and only then continue. I know I shouldn't be afraid, but I don't want to see the look on your face. Anger I can handle, but I'm worried I'll see disgust.

I think you already know. I looked in the browser history and you've been searching for transsexual and hormones and surgeries. At first I thought it was porn, and that would have been... interesting? But I saw that you were in a support chatroom, and I saw the Amazon browsing history. It's "FtM," by the way, not "MtF." It's all so confusing, isn't it?

And you looked up mental illness. I don't know, maybe I am sick. I don't think so. I don't hate myself. I've been talking to someone about it, someone I trust, who specializes in ... "people like me." Maybe some day you go with me?

So, here goes: beloved John, I am transsexual. Or I will be. I don't know how to say it yet. I wrestled with trying to tell you, but I don't want to lose you. I don't want you to think I'm rejecting you or us. I don't want you to think I'll drop you for some woman. I love you.

If you need to leave me, if you want me to leave, please be kind about it. I can't ask any more than that. Whatever happens next, we'll both be hurt. I am not the person you thought I was - I am not the person I thought I was. I did not want to betray your expectations, but mine have been. I only know that now. I'm very sorry.

I think there's hope. Please, let's talk. If we need to do it over the phone that's ok. If you want me out, that's alright, but I want to stay with you for the rest of my life. I love your soul, and I hope you still love mine.

Love, Jennie

P.S. And I know this is a shitty place to mention it, but the AC repair guys said they'd be here between 10 and 6. None of this matters if we suffocate to death in the living room.

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