[WP] You made a deal with the devil to become rich. He then tells you that fortune will be yours, but there is a curse. For every $1000 you spend, a random person on the Earth will die. Congratulations! You just won $250,000,000.

[WP] You made a deal with the devil to become rich. He then tells you that fortune will be yours, but there is a curse. For every $1000 you spend, a random person on the Earth will die. Congratulations! You just won $250,000,000.

"So, what're the chances?"

"The chances of what?" Satan asked.

"Well, I figure that you don't offer deals with people very often, otherwise there'd be crazy politicians in power starting wars and killing people for really bad reasons," I said, "and that doesn't happen." He rolled his eyes and breathed some fire.

Personally, I think he didn't picked up on my sarcasm.

"So really, what are the chances that you offer deals to people?"

"About one in seven billion or so," he muttered, tapping his talons on the table and causing the wood to scream. Little scorch marks, kinda cute ones if you didn't look too hard, dotted the surface.

"My grandma got me that table, it's a family heirloom. Do you think insurance covers-"

"You bought this at IKEA." My mouth slammed shut. Damn.

"I invented lying, kid."

Oh, yeah. That.

"So, all I do is sign here, and I get 250 mil. And since other people pay for it, I get to keep my soul?" He sighed, more brimstone fires sparking out his nose.

"Yes, so long as you don't die by sin, so suicide, mass murder, deliberately driving into something with passengers, that sort of thing, you get to go to heaven like everyone else."

"But like, doesn't this make me a murderer?"

"No."

"Why?" I furrowed my brows.

"I can't lie on contracts, and since you're willingly giving up other humans, you just have to live with the guilt."

My eyes narrowed, suspicious. I mean, I was always suspicious, I just never showed it.

"So, I sign here, and the money goes straight into my bank account..."

"Yes."

"...and then I can do whatever I want. Even pay off my student loans, just like that?"

"You can buy yourself a cold glass of lemonade for all I care," he said, voice saccharine and wearing a smile more uncomfortable than a kid listening to his parents go at it.

"W-well... I'll take it!"

"You still have to sign."

I grabbed the pen, scribbled my signature and jumped back as the parchment burned up in flames. Half-expecting a loud and booming voice, I covered my ears and curled up into a ball, the brace position.

Satan mouthed something, like asking a question if I judged his face correctly.

"Aren't you going to announce something in a booming voice?"

He sighed, hand to his head.

"Alright, see you."

"Wait!"

"What?"

"Thanks Satan."

With one last infernal sigh — seriously, dude was lit — he opened a wailing portal of screaming souls and went to hell.

"I wonder, what if I spend less than $1,000? $999-"

It rounds.

"Damn it."

The first thing I did with my money was walk outside, just to spite the devil, and head to the nearby cafe.

"I'll have an ice cold lemonade."

"That'll be $1.99."

"Do you accept credit cards?"

With enough pettiness to kill a small critter, drank my first accursed drink. Punched in my pin. Watched the transaction go through. And felt my heart stop.

"What are the... chances...?"

About one in seven billion or so.

/r/WritingPrompts Thread