One day, we awoke to a sphere in the basement. Black in colour, appearing no larger than a small speck of dust, we attempted to clean it, being the ever so tidy kind of people. But everything we attempted to wipe that spot up with would end up with a hole in it, and it would grow minutely as we attempted to clean it. When it got as large as a pen cap, Joseph decided the wisest idea was to stick his pen in it. It appeared to work for a moment, before it too, became part of the singularity, and it grew again.

Before he could get the bright idea of sticking body parts into it, we called my friend, Sarah Jane. Journalist by trade, she had a knack for the impossible. But even she couldn’t figure out what the hole was, and got other scientists involved too. It wasn’t pretty when they were finished - they informed us that we’d have to move, at this time, the spot as big as our cat, but they said they’d keep their eyes on it, see what would make it tick, what made it expand. Little did we know what would happen next would change the course of history.

After a month and a half of settling into the new place, we checked in with the scientists. They had attempted to isolate it, to prevent it from getting more energy, but it was all in vain. Every few seconds, it would expand a millimeter. One would assume that it would slow down, or that it would expend its energy before it could acquire more - but once it became as large as our fireplace, it would expand at the rate of an inch a second. It quickly outgrew and absorbed anything they tried to contain it with, actually absorbing some innocent scientists in the process too.

It was then they revealed to the world about the black hole, the singularity in our basement. It attracted a lot of media attention, as well as peaking the scientific world’s curiosity. Perhaps that should have been our warning that something would go wrong. After all, it was still expanding, and they didn’t think to put a guard up immediately.

Rumours say the sphere was slowed when Kim Jong-un showed up, but no one was around to confirm it. The same rumours mentioned he was absorbed slowly, begging for help from anyone, trying to get out of the singularity. There were also rumours of those who went and stuck their genitalia into the hole, only to be absorbed the next second, the only trace of them some shoes and a pair of pants around the ankle region, before being absorbed the next time the sphere expanded. Finally, a team of scientists came up with an idea. If it really was a singularity, a real one, why not drop a nuke upon it? It may disrupt the expansion, they thought, or better still, slow it down. And if it didn’t work, well, the damned thing seemed to expand at a faster rate as time went on. They will be dropping the bomb in less than a minute, and we’ll be reporting to you live when they do.

T-Minus 10 seconds, and counting.

Seven.

Six.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

Zer-