If you make it to 30 as a virgin you'll become a Wizard. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I hate birthdays. They're serve only as a reminder of how much time you've spent and will never get back. Still, our family makes the pilgrimage back home for each one. Last year when I went back I was met with mocking from both brothers, each with digits in the high hundreds, and sneers from their wives, both with numbers well into the thousands. Even my nieces and nephews look at me like a creepy uncle, each almost up to one hundred. What hurt the most was seeing both my parents, in their eighties look at me with such disappointment, over 9000 shone brightly over their heads.
This birthday will be much different that last year. Tomorrow I'll turn 51 and this will be all worth it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was startled awake to the deafening screech of sirens. The blinding lights of the police cars outside my window cast my otherwise dark room in an alternating bath of crimson and navy. I looked to the nightstand on my left to check the time. 11:50. Whatever I've done up to know was all for this. I will not let this be for nothing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Y2K was when it happened. Everyone was prepared for disaster but nothing dramatic occurred. The collective silliness for overreacting was overshadowed by confusion when out of the blue everyone suddenly had a number over their heads. At first no one knew what they meant but soon everyone figured it out. Social dynamics changed. Many women were no longer concerned with modesty and charm and brazenly made advances on the men that they wanted. It was no longer socially acceptable for guys past middle school to remain a 0. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I was disgusted with everyone's quest to rack up the highest number possible and sought to remove myself from the running. Alas, I am not immune to biology and my hormones and faltered when I met Brenda. She was everything that I could have ever wanted in a girl. She felt the same way that I had and our double zero's were both mocked and envied by the students and even the faculty. We didn't care though because we had each other.
We both graduated high school and enrolled in [redacted]. I double majored in History & Philosophy and Brenda in Biology. We lived together in an apartment not too far from the campus. We both had our own cars but would often carpool together. We formed a club for other Zeros on campus giving us all a haven from ridicule as well as a support system. We eventually got popular enough that similar organizations began popping up in other schools and looked to us for guidance. As we gained more notoriety we naturally gained more hate. After some members were attacked we had to hire security and ensure escorts to and from events. We were even called militant by some and encouraged our members to learn martial arts and/or arm themselves. Eventually, as news cycles often do, the story fell from prominence and some of the hate died down. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To celebrate a great end to our Sophomore year we went skydiving. As we fell we spotted an arrangement of Asters that were planted earlier in the year spelling out my proposal, "Marry me Brenda." Our friends and family were all waiting at the marker for our descent. She rushed in to me and wrapped herself around me and kissed me as tears fell above her eyes. We let go of each other and pulled our rip cords. She continued to fall. What should have been the best day of our lives had become the worst.
Once I reached the ground my voice had grown hoarse from screaming and my brothers, father and Brenda's father held me back as our friends blocked my view and paramedics rushed Brenda to the hospital. I was involuntarily committed and put on suicide watch.
Brenda's funeral was held the next week; it was a closed casket service. I was restrained and drugged but allowed to go. Still I could see that everyone looked at me with such pity and what seemed like an undertone of disdain. I became jaded. Our friends came to visit me but couldn't stand to see me that way and my words to them definitely didn't help the situation.
I was released into my father's custody a week later. It took me another two weeks before I could finally convince my parents that I would be fine in the apartment alone. My parents were worried but they relented. They would check up on me regularly to make sure that I was OK.
Brenda's parents had already been through the apartment and removed her things to prevent a relapse. They promised to give them to me once I had stabilized but didn't yet feel that the time was right. The apartment missed her presence and it felt vacant without her.
That night I lay in bed alone with a somber heart. I grabbed her pillow, the only thing left of hers in the apartment, thankful that they had left it and held it close to me just as I once held Brenda. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The next morning was my twenty-first birthday. Everyone insisted that we go out to take my mind off things. Brenda's parents though it best to not attend and to distance themselves from me and my family for a while. My brothers would be by later on to pick me up. I called Brenda's number to hear her voice-mail but the number was disconnected. I checked my email to see her last message to me and was met with a flood of well wishes from friends. There was also one from the faculty and school notifying me that they would allow me to take a year off without consequence. After a while I was too saddened to read all of the messages and just scrolled up. I decided to just read the spam instead, hoping for a good laugh. I got your usual penis enlargement & African prince spams but the "local singles in your area" adds hit too close to home. I was about to close my computer when I caught the message "Dear Mr. Zero."
I was intrigued but knew not to fall for it. It was probably a way to make zeros feel insecure about themselves. This time I welcomed the pain. The message:
Hello KV,
I'm sorry for your loss. I know that you were looking forward to you and your fiance's union. I'm glad that you didn't. I know that right now is tough for you as you're still processing everything but I know of a way to help you. I know that you and Brenda both loved each other with all of your being. The fact that the two of you were able to remain zeros in each others presence is testament to that. There is also a reason for it. Your souls called out to each other. Even now as you grieve you still cry out to one another. You two are kindred spirits and will one day return to each other. You'll become a Wizard..........
I read the entire email out-loud. Immediately after my printer came on and began a job. I didn't order any blueprints so nothing should have been printed. Once it was done I reached inside and pulled out a silver watch that was already ticking. I knew that batteries can't be printed but I was even more confused since there wasn't enough materials in the printer for the watch and it had my name engraved on the back. I held it up and inspected it. Aside from being slightly warm I could tell that it would be expensive to purchase. I put it on and it grafted itself onto my wrist, surprisingly it didn't hurt and it settled nicely on my wrist. Then my phone buzzed with a text from my brother letting me know that they were around the corner from my apartment. I looked back at my computer but the email was gone but I'll never forget the message.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The clock went dark. They must have cut the power. It's fine though. I still have my watch and I'm good to go. I enter the safe-room behind the bookcase and enter code 51. They tried to batter the front door to my home but it was heavily reinforced. I smiled at the numbers over their heads each in the couple hundreds. Their third battering attempt triggered an explosion. It'll be a while before they get here.
I'm sealed inside a vault with a half hour's worth of air; my coffin is ready. I sit and watch them enter my house on the monitors and ransack the place guns drawn and ready. I get into position in the middle of the room and begin to taking deep breaths as I reflect on the email sent to me all those years ago. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
............ Brenda's death was not an accident. You both were threats to the system. You had a much bigger influence than you think on the populace at-large. You didn't feel pressure to lose your zeros and were willing to wait until you both were ready to give yourselves fully to another. True beauty and love cannot be controlled so you were sabotaged. Your only restitution is to carry on in spite of what's been done to you.
People joke that one would become a wizard if they were able to remain a virgin until 30. Of course, many passed that threshold with no powers to show for it. What they didn't know was that the joke was intentionally misquoted and deliberately made to be mocked. I've failed to do this but I believe that you can. Pledge the original quote and you'll attain power beyond your wildest dreams:
"Forsaking the knowledge of carnal embrace I verily vow to remain chaste. 30 years I pledge my devotion and in turn I'll accept promotion." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I watched as my home was firebombed by the supposed "police" and what I've worked for so long to attain was being destroyed in moments. All was going according to plan.
I nod giving and look into the camera.
"My fellow Zeros across the world, do not fear for me. Rejoice! I am on my way to ascension. After today the scales will be in our favor."
I held onto the chain made from Brenda's engagement ring and looked at my watch 11:59:59.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIR!"