I know that the end is near now. I am going to die. Not like how I always imagined I'd die, in some accident in the mountains or while making love to a beautiful woman. No, I was going out all soft and soppy in a warm bed with tearful family members around me. The kind of bed that always has way too many pillows. Fluffy ones.
I think that I am at peace, or at least at ease with the fact that I am dying. I don't really think that anythings going to happen after. No hand of God or wheel of time. No, I just won't exist anymore. I have lived long and done well. I have no regrets.
I breathe in deeply and, suddenly, I know that this is the end. My last breath is a slow one, and it's dominated by the scent of the rose bouquet next to my bed. I stare at the bouquet for a second, look around at my family and then close my eyes.
Babababababa. What the fuck? Was that a drum roll? I'm supposed to be dead. I open my eyes slowly. I'm sitting in a chair in a small square room. There's a door in front of me and LEVEL 2 is written on it in burning letters. The letters fade and disappear, leaving no trace.
Seriously, what the fuck? My old body is gone. I'm young, strong and naked. I hear the drums again and then some muffled words. I push open the door and step out into a strange room. It seems infinite on either side behind me. Just rows of doors, stretching on for eternity. But when I look ahead, nothing is infinite. There is only one door, and the corridor is small. I'm getting seriously freaked out, but I'm curious too, so I walk through the door.
There's a guy sitting behind a desk. One of those dramatic desks, all dark oak and bronze finishings. I look at him for a second, not quite believing my eyes. He looks like a stereotypical angel. White wings, blue eyes, floating halo, general air of cherubishness.. It's all there.
"Weapon type?" He says peevishly, as if I've disturbed him. I stare at him for a second. He looks at me as if I am an idiot, then repeats himself, "Weapon type?" I find my tongue and stammer out an answer. "What? I'm supposed to be dead! Where the fuck am I?"
The angel sighs in an affected, angelic manner, exhaling languorously. I am really starting to hate this guy. He points to a sign on the wall behind him. It wasn't there before, I swear, but now it's there and prominent. It's covered with block letters. ATTENTION ALL TRANSIENT SOULS. AS PER HEAVENLY ORDER 5978-b REGARDING OVERCROWDING, ALL NEW SOULS WISHING TO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN MUST TAKE PART IN THE CRUCIBLE OF GOD. THE TOP THREE SOULS WILL BE GRANTED ENTRY TO HIS KINGDOM.
What the fuck? I hear that damn drum roll again. The angel is still staring at me. He sighs and stands up. He is holding an iron sword with a black hilt. I look down and now I'm wearing a suit of armor. It's bright, silvery and completely weightless. The angel hands me the sword and I stare at it for a second. I manage to mutter out the word, "what?.." and then everything disappears.
Bababababa. Drum roll again. I'm standing in a version of the colosseum in Rome. This place seems like it inspired the colosseum, instead of the other way around. Everything seems ancient, for one, although very well kept. There are around 20 people standing around in the same armor I'm wearing. They seem as confused as I am. Some are holding axes, some swords. One guy is holding an AK47. Another, quite bizarrely, is holding a teddy bear.
Then the ground begins to writhe all around. All of us are panicking and we move closer to the guy with the AK47. Suddenly, something appears in the sand in front of us. It's a demon, I think. The size of an elephant, all red skin and bulging muscle, with fiery black eyes and 6 huge curly horns coming out of its ugly head. It's got 4 legs, each one ending in a monstrously clawed foot. They don't seem to be able to support those huge horns, which makes it bow down. I hear another drum roll, which moves up a notch to become a full on rock and roll beat. The demon shambles slowly towards us. Teddy bear guy runs screaming towards it, while the rest of us shit ourselves. The demon spears him on the end of one of its horns, then shakes him off. Blood flies everywhere. Teddy bear guys body is a wreck, it looks like he exploded from the inside. I hear a voice, or more accurately, think it. Like a thought beamed directly into my head. WELCOME TO THE CRUCIBLE OF GOD..