[WP]Place this line somewhere in your story: " Funny how it took the end of the world to get us all in the same room."

Leonard Wilson had plopped his six year old son in front of the TV every weekend from noon on Saturday to nine o' clock Sunday evening. His child was loud, fat and they had virtually nothing in common. Billy liked to shout, run around and eat disturbingly sweet, unnatural looking processed food items. Leonard prided himself on being a dignified recluse. He sat in his study reading Wall Street Journals and sipping tea, like a proper gentleman. His ex-wife would probably be disappointed in finding no change in his behaviors since she left him, but Leonard would never let a woman change who he was. He adjusted his glasses pompously at the thought of her clueless face. She was such an unintelligent woman compared to him. She used to beg him to leave the house and associate himself with the neighborhood idiots at barbeques and drink canned beer like a peasant. Leonard could never understand the pleasure she found in socializing. Why she needed company when she had him… Well she was nothing more than a stupid woman. Leonard sighed happily, enjoying the silence. He glanced at his watch. 9pm, Billy's bedtime. He folded up the magazine, stuck it under his arm and walked out to the family room. Giggling, screaming, topless women filled his 40 inch television as a Girls Gone Wild commercial roared through the surround sound. "BILLY!" Leonard shouted instantly, turning a bright maroon and turning to his giggling son on the couch. "This is - improper! You're a bad boy!" Leonard spluttered. Billy's face instantly crumpled into tears. "Daddy why are you mad?" Leonard seized the remote and shut off the TV, plunging the room into darkness. He flipped on a lamp and yelled "Bed!" but Billy was sobbing into the cushions, his fat stomach heaving with sobs. "Billy -" Leonard's voice softened a little. He disliked his child, but he hated the sound of crying more. "Daddy why are you mad at me?" Billy looked up, mucus pouring out of his nose. Leonard grabbed a tissue and awkwardly wiped at Billy's face. The tissue just smeared it across his cheek and made it worse. "Because sex is for grown ups Billy." Billy instantly stopped crying, face full of curiosity. And snot. "What's sex?" Billy asked. Leonard froze. His child would have to learn, and better from himself than from an under qualified government employee, or worse, other kids at school. "Well Billy," Leonard spoke formally, "When a man and woman want to make a baby, they mate. This is called intercourse." Billy turned his head to the side quizzically. "Um…" Leonard turned a shade of maroon. He hadn't anticipated the need for any further details into this topic. He looked around the room hastily. His eyes fell upon an Capri-Sun Billy had left on the coffee table. He grabbed it and pulled out the straw. "Um okay so males have a penis" He indicated the straw, "And females have a vagina." He lifted the pouch. "When a man desires to provide a woman with his genetic material, he gets an erection." Leonard bent the orange plastic straw upward. "His penis fills with blood and gets 'hard'" Leonard looked at Billy. "You are male so that means when you grow up you will begin desiring to pass on genetic material to women." Billy looked at his blankly. "Um. So his penis gets hard and then he will mount a woman and place it inside of her." Leonard pushed the bent end of the straw into the pouch. "This usually lasts up to three minutes." Leonard smiled dreamily, remembering his personal record, a whopping four point five minutes. "He will then ejaculate, releasing his genetic material in a liquid form. This is how women get pregnant and have babies." "So you did this with my mom?" Billy asked. Leonard proudly smiled. "She actually left me because she thought I was so good at it. She told me she could no longer handle her cravings for me" Wonder if she told her ski instructor THAT, Leonard thought arrogantly in his head. He grinned.

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