3. [WP] A plane carrying all 17 Republican Presidential nominees crashes over the o...

[WP] A plane carrying all 17 Republican Presidential nominees crashes over the ocean. All survive uninjured, but are marooned on an island. Chris Christie has found the conch.

Christie sniffs the shell and gives it a lick before taking a huge bite out of it. His sits his plump self down and proceeds to eat the rest of the conch. Satasfied with himself, he manages to stand up, licks his sandy fingers and lumbers away to find anything edible. Donald Trump gets up, brushes himself off, fix his hair and proceed to walk into the jungle. Meanwhile, all of the remaining nominees drop to their knees on the white sandy beach and yell up to the heavens for their imaginary friend to save them. Marco Rubio and Mike Huckabee say they will persoanlly find every rape victim in America and force them into WWII-style internment camps to ensure their rape-babies are carried to term the way their imaginary friend wants if he will help them off the island.

After a week of praying and not spotting any ships or planes, the 15 nominees decide to explore the island and try to find shelter if their imaginary friend won't give them sanctuary. As they venture deep into the jungle, they come across a giant wall made of wood. "Where did this come from? Who build it?" asked Jeb. Huckabee's eyes light up. "It must have been GOD, he answered my prayers for shelter! Quick let get inside!"

They run the perimeter of the wall and find a giant wooden door. Suddenly a group of orange haired orangutan's appear along the wall. One of them points to Ted Cruz and throws a piece of shit, landing a hit right in his face. "AHHHHHHHHH!" screams Cruz.

"STOP!" a booming voice makes all the orangutans turn as the orange-skinned face of Donald Trump appear over the permiter of the wall. "What brings you here?"

Scott Walker proclaims "Donny its us! Please let us in, us priviliged white males needs the comforts of the nicer things and you've clearly found them! Please let us come through!"

The Don ponders for a moment before motioning for one of the orangutans to throw more shit at Walker and hits him square in the mouth.

"You are all men of privilige but I believe that you can survive just fine on your own, just like me. In just 7 days I found these orangutans, constructed this wall, made friends, became their leader and now I'm running my own orangutan casino in here! Thank you for stopping by but I have no further need of any of you." Trump puts his arm around one of the female orangutans, "I'm home now, let's go hang in the canopy baby. General, you may fire at will." As Donald turns to leave, all orangutans unleash a storm fo shit at the 15 nominees. After the last turd has been thrown, Chris Christie comes sauntering out of the jungle and sees shit everywhere. He waddles over a picks up a piece. He give it a sniff before chomping down on it.

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