You're not supposed to look at the eclipse like how you're not supposed to look at porn.
Churches have focus groups for angsty teenagers who were caught by their parents sneaking a look at the black sun. High school health sciences classes show a video of State Caliph Joramah imploring you not too, right after they show the gross live birth one. It seems at least one politician has his career ruined every election cycle from some candid video of them taking a peak.
"Looking at something so horrifying will not only scare you; it is so twisted and maniacal that it will corrupt your very soul as if you committed one mortal sin every day."
It was like porn. Just watching it made you commit that very sin.
But people still did it; everyone knew that. Yes, you could be charged. So, what? That never stopped people from committing other crimes. Besides, its not like the police are outside during the eclipse.
Everyone has heard talk about so-and-so doing it. It was always about people who started acting very odd.
Did someone quit their high-paying job? Must have taken a peak. Leaves their front yard a mess? You can bet they looked. Got caught cheating on their wife? The dark sun did it.
You could find VHS tapes of people recording the black sun in those China town shops that lock their doors after you go in. They were right next to the fake purses. Most people, although they don't admit it, have probably watched one of these.
They always came in two types. The first were of cameras set on the ground and fixed at the sky. With these, all you saw was, well, a black circle. That's why they call it the black sun- revolutionary. The second were actually of people taking peaks at it. They would look at the black sun, then quickly look away. It was like touching a hot stove. People would have competitions on who could look the longest, but most stopped after a few tries.
These same people would, to the lucky camera man, describe what they say. Some people would lie.
"I saw a mother drowning her baby." "I saw a man lose his head."
But, if you've watched enough of these videos, you could find the people who actually did take a peak, and were truthful about what they saw.
"I saw nothing." "I just felt all terrible inside." "It was that cold feeling, like waking up in your wife's best friend's bed."
And, always, the same answer:
"It felt like forever."
My journey started when I had my friends tie me up so that I couldn't look away. So, its fitting that I start this account with what I saw.
Well, it was more what I felt:
Look away. Look away. LOOK AWAY.
Its like I'm staring at the edge of some mountain. I'm getting closer and I'm about to fall off. I can't see what's below the edge. I'm freaking out, like I'm about to be pushed off. I get to the edge.
Now I can see over it. I'm calm, yet this is the worst feeling and its not of this world. I can't see the end of this white space, but at the same time I KNOW that it doesn't end. It goes on. Forever.
I'm starting to perceive time passing. It feels like its been weeks since this started, but at the same time I know that this has only gone on for a minute. I get a sinking feeling. This doesn't end. Its a year. 10 years. 50 years. 100 years. 200 years. 300 years.
This time, it just doesn't end ever. It never ends. This thing I am? I'll be that thing, and forever. It will NEVER STOP. EVER. DON'T YOU SEE!!?? YOU. CAN'T WIN. ITS ALWAYS. YOU CAN NEVER BEAT IT. YOU WILL BE FOREVER AND FOREVER WILL TAKE YOU.