He came back in fiery vengeance. After nearly 3 years of exile, Unidan had returned! Some redditors rejoiced and gave praise as their king of kings returned. Others took it as a sign of the end times, prophesied by /u/alienth in the time before Digg's end.
But Unidan did not come alone. His years in exile were spent studying what would destroy reddit. He and his army of other accounts did not stop until they had concrete proof. At a TedTalk, UnidanX appeared. "The great one appears now, with what will save countless lives from the clutches of insanity". Unidan appeared on the stage, floating down in a mist as angels gave praise. Everyone in the audience started fapping rigorously.
"My fellow redditors" Unidan began. Several people came right then and there. "For far too long, we have lived under the oppression of the elite. They want us to stupid, easier for them to control. Through my research, I have been brought here to tell you the terrible truth. Vaccines cause autism."
The audience was in an uproar. The comments from each and everyone of them pointing out how the scientific conclusion was wrong, but Unidan answered everyone one them with evidence and sources. The crowd sat down, defeated.
"Now, how do we fix this? Number 1, bitch about it on every alternative news source. Number 2, make t-shirts with clever and ironic slogans so we can appeal to all of the clever and educated non-redditors, if there even is any."
The fapping continued. Unidan was coming to a head in his speech when a bomb burst at the auditorium door. Out of the dust came a tall, fat man. His untrimmed figure was followed by others just like him, each donning a fedora, fingerless gloves, and a duster. The first one spoke
"Le reddit army is here"
The other accounts of Unidan took up position. The narrow pathway to the main seating area was blocked by them. The first redditor called out " /r/atheism Attack!"
The enlightened gentle-sirs ran forward for a few yards, but then stopped, panting. They struggled to combat the unidan accounts.
"You hav...huh...huh...no credible source!" /u/GodOfAtheism shouted
The unidan accounts responded to each of the neckbeards with clear-cut evidence. The atheists could not respond due to their panting, and each died from cardiac arrest.
"Praise be to unidan, wise elder of the earth!" The audience yelled when the last gentle-sir had died.
"This isn't good" An admin commented. /u/alienth shared his opinion. /r/atheism was going to be the quick and crushing move to stop unidan. alienth wanted a speedy battle, but he made a tactical error when he ordered r/atheism to run.
"Send in the /r/changemyview and /r/TumblrInAction! While the former has the unidan accounts distracted, the latter can just laugh them off."
This plan didn't work either. The Unidan accounts were so eloquent. They responded to each user with the perfect amount of evidence and sarcasm. Nothing could be them. But alienth wasn't giving up yet.
"If they're going to be stubborn, then we'll be stubborn right back." alienth gave the order and soon, from outside the auditorium, they could hear the terrible battle inside.
"9/11 was an inside job! Israel took down MH-17! The zionists are causing chemtrails!"
The verbal war went on for some time, until it stopped. alienth realized his mistake. They agree with each other about vaccines causing autism. Now, unidan's force increased 20 fold. "Send in everything!"
All at once, every subreddit charged into the auditorium from every angle and door, fueled by m'dew and m'doritos. Each one wielded a katana, and fought for the future of their site, and waifus. alienth had hand-picked the leaders for every subreddit. Ancientreality led the trickshotters of /r/montageparodies to the top balconies of the auditorium and started sniping. But their bullets were stopped by the cult of Unidan's own katanas.
/u/DoubleDickDude and the broken arms kid ran forward, engaging the cult of unidan. Blood went everywhere as DoubleDickDude shocked the cult into fainting while broken arms kid blocked every katana with his casts. But the cult was slaying redditors left and right. alienth needed to call in the special operative.
"I need you for another mission" alienth said over the phone
"Who's the target"
"Unidan"
"He's fucking dead, kiddo" The special operative hung up
Within moments, a navy seal was among the neckbeards. His gorilla warfare couldn't be stopped by the cult. One after another, he wiped them off the face of the earth. When every redditor was dead from the cult, the navy seal finished off the last cult member. But when he turned around, a trident pierced through his chest.
Every redditor was dead. alienth looked around and saw mounds of fat carcasses. The only other person standing was Unidan.
"You prophesized this day, alienth. But you never knew it would be you who carried out the destruction of reddit."
alienth fell to his knees. "Nooooooooooooooooo!"