The Seven Habits of Highlye Infected People
Looks like it's the end of the world, right? Wrong. You may be a gory, flesh eating zombie right now, but after this guide you'll be a refined cannibal, above all others.
Be Proactive - You're a zombie, you're gonna have to work with others if you want to eat. Find a nice big herd and stay in the middle; the ones on the outside get shot first.
Begin with the End in Mind - Face it, most zombies end up with a bullet in their head in the end. So, how do you manage? Find a helmet, get some protection. Really make those pesky survivors work to kill you.
Put First things First - Your goal for now and forever will be to eat. But right now you're starving as you're reading this, so you have to establish a baseline of what you need. There's plenty of animals around or humans who weren't reanimated. Stuff yourself first and then look for prey.
Think Win-Win - Some zombies raise the moral questions of eating human beings. "They're just minding their own business, why should I hurt them?" It makes total sense, but here's the thing: They're going to kill you whether or not you try to kill him. So look on the positive side of it, for you and them! You get a quick snack, and they get some new friends! Everyone wins when you think with brains and eat them too.
Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood - Remember, zombies outnumber humans 99 to 1 right now. Not everyone is going to be able to get a meaty lumberjack for dinner. But you have to learn who needs it more. The bloated zombie who ate the triplet children needs a meal much less than the guy who hung himself and didn't get lose for 4 months.
Synergize - This goes back to Step 1. You need to work together. But this is more than just having zombies to work with, you need to do some impressive tactics to outmaneuver these dangerous survivors. Remember, this isn't a movie. You're still agile enough to climb and such. Lend a helping hand to let a fellow zombie up a ledge and pounce on an inexperienced teenager and share the meal! Co-operation is key when you don't have guns.
Sharpen the Saw- Practice makes perfect. Improve your relations with your fellow zombies, practice herd techniques and swarming people by using trash cans or other objects.
Follow these steps, and you'll be surviving and thriving in no time against the human menace!