"Well you see, it's all encrypted into our DNA. The coding in our genes determines how compatible we are with one another." Professor Lewin paused as he gulped his cup of water down.
What a weak old man. Only 5 minutes into his presentation and he needs a water break. I don't even want to be here. As a news reporter I have to be able to cover all topics from all around the world, but I did only join the company to get closer to football, the sport I love with oh so much passion.
"Everyone else is on holiday or busy with other projects. It's off season so you should get off your lazy ass and do some work." That was what my boss told me over the phone. And just like that I was sent to the 853rd Global Science Conference
"Of course I have evidence to back this up. I even prepared a simple chart for you uneducated turtle-brains." A few chuckles were heard in reaction to the professors reckless presentation style.
"As you can see here, for couples with more than 60% compatibility, the divorce rates are essentiality non-existent. Whereas when you have a 40% compatibility or lower, you are probably sleeping with another woman or addicted to drugs."
So apparently fate does exist. Who cares? I'm pretty contented with my life. I love my girl plenty and it doesn't really matter if she's a hundred percent or zero. This would probably be the most useless piece of science since China's Dr. Hoo invented the teleporting water bottle.
"This, however, is not the interesting. Using the technology from Fark Tech, we used DNA samples with the strongest radars on Earth, and expanded our seach range. And for samples that we tested, each one of them managed to find a single 100% match"
Still, nobody seemed interested in this 'interesting' find. I was just about to take my leave, but that was when the professor suddenly changed his tone completely.
"BEHOLD! Using the best GPS technology available, we have discovered that every single human being on planet Earth, has a destined soul mate in a neighbouring galaxy!"
Gasps and chattering erupted throughout the room. Every single turtle-brains here knew what this menat. For centuries we have searched the universe for other turtle-brained life forms, but to no avail. We had already given up a couple of decades back, and yet this professor who was supposedly an expert in psychology, has found an answer no one could have ever dreamed of. The talking grew louder, before everyone gave a standing ovation.