I was at the North Side High School, talking with my friend Benjamin. We were talking about this girl he liked when my mind began to wander.

"Do you ever think what we're doing will ever mean anything?" I asked Benjamin.

"What do you mean? You feeling depressed again?" He replied annoyed. "You've got to get off that and try to do something, stop feeling so sorry for yourself. It ain't gonna help you, Jay."

"That's not what I mean." I said that, but he knew me more than I could really gather at the time. At the time? Why am I saying that? This is happening right now!

"A'right, Jay. Just don't let it bother you. We've got a long time before we have to go depressing ourselves over that."

"Thanks, Benny. I'll see you later, I'm gonna head home and play a game or something." I turned and walked down the road from the school.

I don't know why that thought came over me just then, feeling worthless and anxious for the future. Had I really been feeling so dismal lately. I had.

No, no, I don't remember being so sad, 'least not for any reason I could remember.

I got home, just before Mom like usual, and I rushed upstairs into my room. I locked the door and turned my T.V., but just sat on the edge of bed. I couldn't stop thinking about my future.

No, I don't care about that right now! I just want to play a damn game!

These terrible feelings, befitting the futile man I am. An abandoned journey, begun at dawn and extinguished at the first true glimpse of light.

What am I thinking? God, am I becoming an idiot now? Feel so pretentious now. Why am I thinking like that?

No, the deeper part of a man cannot be redeemed, only can he walk a line further and further from the baseless center. There's no meaning in a man, only a false justification for his life, vain in all ambition therewith.

No, that's not true at all! Is this what getting older is like? No, no, no, that can't be true. This isn't me speaking. It sounds like I'm over analyzing my thoughts to come to some dumb, convoluted pre-determined conclusion. 'Least dumb to everyone but me. Sounds like a... writer.