[WP] Tell the story of the most boring day, but make it sound like an exciting adventure

I laid in darkness in an undisturbed slumber that had lasted countless hours. Yet on the 55980th second of this day, a noise was heard. Enough was this disturbance that I slowly woke. Stretching the flab that lay across my body as though sculpted by the gods themselves onto my chassis, I began to rise. As I moved with the grace of a 1000 discombobulated pandas I was instantly attacked by a crushing force that no mortal being could have produced, pinning me back down. Only one foe of mine possesses’ such power, Gravity. You may be powerful ancient one but daily we have done combat from the beginning of my existence and today was not to be the day of my defeat! I called upon tendon, muscle, ligament, and in unison repelled Gravity’s force. Although I am yet again victorious this dance of ours knows no end. One day I may vanquish you for good but it was not the time. My focus returned to the reason of my wake, the noise.

I mustered my remaining strength, and sat upon my resting board. Lacking the constitution to exact my revenge, I set my gaze upon my surroundings, searching for that which could replenish me. Searching, searching, yet among my many treasures I found not one measly…aha! What a fool I was for not noticing! Not half an arm’s length from me was an elixir from the Isle of Éire, which I had opened but not completely consumed the previous night. I drank the remainder, and let out a triumphant cry as I felt it’s rejuvenating effects.

The sound waves around me began to coalesce into a comprehensible melody. Melody? Immediately I recognized it, Bach’s Chaconne in D. Who in the name of all that is plump would…..him. Of course who else could have disturbed my rest. He is master of the bow, he of a 1000 incessant voices, speaker of the late nights, and known only to me by his true name, Roommate.

I closed my eyes, and cleared my mind. Contacting the heavens to call a divine ordinance strike to obliterate him for daring to cross me is tricky business.

I waited.

More waiting.

Patience fading.

Really?

I understood that there’d be no backup on this one. How could they expect me to take him on unaided? Surely the gods understood the perils of leaving my dwelling and venturing forth into the depths of The Apartment. No matter. I understood the immensity of the task that stood before me. To collect a complete set of untarnished wears, don them to cross the Hallway Wasteland, and finally reach the gateway that led into the Roommate’s domain. There I would have to battle him with only my wits. There was no time to lose, and so I set forth to meet my destiny.

Fin

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