[WP]You travel back in time to the Spartan era. You always imagined that the wars were fought with spears and shields but when you get there, nothing is the way you imagined it.

"Zip bippity bop bang doodily dee," the time machine spouted.

"You know, I never imagined that scat would be the key to time travel," I said to no one in particular. "I'm lonely."

"Bimp bam bodangly zoo zae zee where we to?" The time machine inquired in it's soothing jazz voice.

"Uh, I mean, I just watched 300 last night, so how about the spartan era?" I scratched my head. I really should of thought about what I wanted to DO with the time machine before I built it.

"Zig bobitty WEEEEEEEEEE," the time machine pulled on the fabric of reality, creating an echoing boom with it's funky scatting. I fell to the ground, instantly made nauseous by the distortion of space. I closed my eyes as I vomited all over my science fair project. When I opened my eyes, I could see the ground far below through the glass floor, causing me to puke a little bit more.

"GO DOWN GODOWNGODOWN!" I cried into the smooth rhythm machine I had created.

"Dib zibbily zee zob zib and dowwn," the time machine serenaded. The small box of glass and duct tape plummeted towards the ground. My vomit floated into the air and smeared itself all up the walls. By the time the time machine slowed and touched lightly to the ground, I had already made it's walls opaque with my yellow-green fluid.

I stumbled out of the time machine and fell over, luckily a set of perfect abs broke my fall. I stumbled backwards again, landing my ass in a pool of vomit that had dripped out of the machine. I looked up to see a very muscular man clothed in noting but a loincloth and a winning smile. I could only think one thing in my confusion.

"Why's your spear a dick?" I inquired quite honestly. With a blinding flash of sunlight on steel, the phallic blade was brought to my throat.

"What's a dick?" The man asked, confused by my verbal outburst. I pointed to the "head" of his spear. "HOW DARE you insult the emblem of the Tower of Two Hills. This emblem is to be taken seriously, and always has been. Never have I heard of this design being compared to genitalia, but I will not stand for such a outrage! Prepare to die!"

As the spear pressed into my neck I sputtered "And why do you have a british acc- oh hey look out!" Another man in a loincloth lept from behind a rock, penetrating the man I was talking to with his spear in his back.

"AAHH! Who? Who has done this to me? I should at least know the man who has

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