3. [WP]You travel back in time to the Spartan era. You always imagined that the war...

[WP]You travel back in time to the Spartan era. You always imagined that the wars were fought with spears and shields but when you get there, nothing is the way you imagined it.

"Zip bippity bop bang doodily dee," the time machine spouted.

"You know, I never imagined that scat would be the key to time travel," I said to no one in particular. "I'm lonely."

"Bimp bam bodangly zoo zae zee where we to?" The time machine inquired in it's soothing jazz voice.

"Uh, I mean, I just watched 300 last night, so how about the spartan era?" I scratched my head. I really should of thought about what I wanted to DO with the time machine before I built it.

"Zig bobitty WEEEEEEEEEE," the time machine pulled on the fabric of reality, creating an echoing boom with it's funky scatting. I fell to the ground, instantly made nauseous by the distortion of space. I closed my eyes as I vomited all over my science fair project. When I opened my eyes, I could see the ground far below through the glass floor, causing me to puke a little bit more.

"GO DOWN GODOWNGODOWN!" I cried into the smooth rhythm machine I had created.

"Dib zibbily zee zob zib and dowwn," the time machine serenaded. The small box of glass and duct tape plummeted towards the ground. My vomit floated into the air and smeared itself all up the walls. By the time the time machine slowed and touched lightly to the ground, I had already made it's walls opaque with my yellow-green fluid.

I stumbled out of the time machine and fell over, luckily a set of perfect abs broke my fall. I stumbled backwards again, landing my ass in a pool of vomit that had dripped out of the machine. I looked up to see a very muscular man clothed in noting but a loincloth and a winning smile. I could only think one thing in my confusion.

"Why's your spear a dick?" I inquired quite honestly. With a blinding flash of sunlight on steel, the phallic blade was brought to my throat.

"What's a dick?" The man asked, confused by my verbal outburst. I pointed to the "head" of his spear. "HOW DARE you insult the emblem of the Tower of Two Hills. This emblem is to be taken seriously, and always has been. Never have I heard of this design being compared to genitalia, but I will not stand for such a outrage! Prepare to die!"

As the spear pressed into my neck I sputtered "And why do you have a british acc- oh hey look out!" Another man in a loincloth lept from behind a rock, penetrating the man I was talking to with his spear in his back.

"AAHH! Who? Who has done this to me? I should at least know the man who has

/r/WritingPrompts Thread
Previous
Next

Recently removed from /r/WritingPrompts

[SP] No matter how much you drink you can't forget [WP] An adventuring party is hired to collect back taxes of a local dragon [WP] You wake up in the middle of the night with your paralysis demon cowering in the corner of your room, scared to death of whatever stands at the end of your bed. [WP] In a dingy, cyberpunk city, civility is a word missing from almost every gang's vocabulary, except for one. With the trappings of the romanticised mobsters of the 30s, they're equal parts loved and lauded for their strict code of conduct. You play by The Family's rules, or you're outta here. [WP] Turns out everyone's religion is "true," and they go to the afterlife they believe in most. You, an atheist, have just died. And the universe took you at your word when you joked about worshiping the Flying Spaghetti Monster. [WP] "Hey man, seeing ya after 5 years. How's life been?", "Just the same old, pal. Nothing much happened.", "Bro... I see you missing a hand and a leg.. your left eye is glowing green.. and your dog is constantly covered in BLUE flames... How in the world you feel nothing much happened?" [WP] An over-thinking scientist continually devises plans to get the main hero to notice them, though all of their attempts end up misinterpreted as desperate attempts to take over the world [WP] A creature beyond comprehension watches you, your every move is narrated in a calming voice all around you that you can’t pinpoint, and you believe you see cameras right outside your field of vision. [WP] While checking out an abandoned island with your new friends, you decide to look at the local pictures online. The only one nearby is a photo of you and your friends posted a month ago, before any of you even met. [WP] a witch is hired by some troubled parents, to frighten children into getting fit. [WP] "Attention, denizens of the Underworld. One among you tried to blackmail me, stating that unless I did as you wish, you would make public photos of me having a 'fairy princess' tea party with my human goddaughter in the Mortal Realm. I released those pictures for viewing myself this morning." [WP] As a little kid, you liked to pull harmless pranks on the local cryptids. As you grew older you realized the danger of going out into the woods and stopped visiting them. Turns out, the cryptids had fond memories of your antics and want to come and see you again. [WP] You are a supervillain who went undercover as a superhero for jokes, only to discover how corrupt the system is in the hero society. The system is so corrupt that you agree to lead a small group of superheroes to rebel against the unjust hero society. [WP] Everyone in the galactic community had heard the tales of Human endurance, it had been the stuff of story or nightmare in the decades since first contact. But nothing had prepared the Galactic Council for the first time a human representative broke out the Filibuster. [WP] You appear in an infinite white void of a room with nothing more than yourself, and a white piece of paper which reads, “You have been banned from existence.”

More Random Comments

AP Exclusive: 'Bathroom bill' to cost North Carolina $3.76B Donald Trump branded 'international embarrassment' after handing made-up Nato invoice to Angela Merkel People who have shit themselves during their adult life, what happened? People who have shit themselves during their adult life, what happened? Diomedes' Guide for LTR's in 2017 - Extreme Dread + Psychopathy [Serious]What personal demons are you battling? Georgia started to look like a swing state after the 2016 election where Trump won by just 5 points. Georgia Republicans answered that by passing racial gerrymander kicking black voters out of GOP districts. Me when my oldest child uninvites me to her college graduation because of my support for President Trump. Hugs please - you're my fam now. How long does testosterone take to show effects? Should it be illegal to be a stay-at-home mom? Why feminists are so frustrated How difficult is it to get a mortgage when you're still renting? Triple H: "They’ll all say afterwards, ‘ah, I didn’t want to see [Roman Reigns vs The Undertaker]!’ Really, because you were pretty loud when they were out there staring at each other." [Critique Monday] Post a book here to get feedback on its cover, title or content! I don't think Anthem are wrong to do what they're doing to the Broken Hardy's. I know that it's common for a lot of Americans to head off to different parts of the country for college, then repeat the process again after graduation. Does this make it more difficult to develop close friendships?