12:01 AM
“Happy 30th birthday to me,” I grumbled bitterly.
It was all in my head but I already felt older, wrinklier. I sighed and turned back to the lone cupcake with distaste. A flash of light and a loud CRACK! behind me forced me out of my chair and on my feet. Where the sound had been now stood an older man. He was dressed in a youthful style that some might call hipster and looked like he was bored.
“How did you get in here? Why are you in my house?” I felt like I should be screaming but the words barely came out.
He sighed as if agitated.
“I’m here to welcome you into the OW and drop off your Wizards Guide.”
“The OW? Wizards Guide? Ha ha funny joke but you need to leave before I call the cops.” I tried to sound stern but my voice wavered.
“Yes Order of the Wizards. You can try to call but it won’t work.” He said as he gestured, seemingly making my phone float towards him.
My mouth gaped at the trick until I remembered all the magician trick videos I’d watched. Surely it was just some weird slight of hand. I was a child of the internet, surely he didn’t think I’d believe this was real. He sighed again as he looked at me before gesturing at me this time. I started to float towards him as well, waving my hands frantically as I tried to grab the couch.
“Stop please! Whatever you’re doing please just stop!” I screeched.
He gestured again and I crumpled to the floor. I looked at him with fear now. This couldn’t be fake.
“Why?” I asked.
“Remember that joke about becoming a wizard if you’re a virgin at 30? It’s true.” He replied, his face flushing slightly.
My mouth dropped open as I looked at him. Seriously?! Just because I had too much social anxiety to get a boyfriend I was now a wizard?
“If you lose your virginity you will stop being a wizard though,” he continued, “you won’t be able to tell anyone either. Here’s your guide and if you have any questions I’ll be back in 2 days.”
He dropped a heavy tome onto my kitchen table and disappeared in another flash of bright light. After a while I finally got up the strength to look at the book. The letters danced around on the cover and drew me in, tempting me to read. I hesitated to open it, unsure if I should.
“Fuck that. Who knows if I would’ve ever found anyone, a wizard is way cooler than an accountant,” I told myself. I opened the book slowly, ready to enter into this new life.