[WP] Two immortals meet and fall in love. Neither of them are aware of the other's immortality and the years are flying by...

Happy 300th anniversary. I love you so much, Santa Claus.

I love you too, Gene Wilder,

Who would have ever thought that we'd be a thing? Not me.

Nor I. And the general public was really surprised, at first. Now they gather 'round the tree every year to sing the Yuletide classic, "I Saw Santa Going Nuts To Butts With Gene Wilder."

Great. Now it's gonna be stuck in my head all day.

That's not the only place it's gonna get stuck.

(sighs) Yeah, I'm a bottom.

And such a cute one it is.

Are you trying to get on your own naughty list?

There's a lot of lists that Santa is on. Why do you think I live at the North Pole? Not a church or playground in sight. They only let me out once a year to participate in the reparations. Considering all the shit I did, I gotta keep up this routine up forever. Thank God the sex elves are also good at making toys. (sighs, wistfully looks off into the distance) Oh, sex elves. So small, so pure...

I'm okay with our open relationship.

Speaking of which, how come you haven't died yet, Gene Wilder?

Didn't you know? I'm also immortal.

You are?

Yes, Santa.

Have you seen yourself lately?

I know, I've gone from Willy Wonka to wrinkled Larry David sex doll, but I'm still eternal.

I guess I should have figured that out way back in 2078, when I caught you participating in that black magic ceremony.

If it makes you feel better, I haven't sucked all the blood out of a pregnant pig in years.

Cause you've been busy sucking something else.

Oh, my!

Come here, Gene Wilder. We're gonna do the wild thing again.

(freeze frame) (Tone Loc's "Wild Thing" plays) (roll credits)

/r/WritingPrompts Thread