With a mighty leap, I soared through the air,

All the while growling like a bear,

With a mighty whack I hit the ground,

Time and space shook with the sound,

"Your end has finally come," I said like a freak,

"What's happened Zelda, why are you getting weak?!

You've been a faithful Igor and a faithfuller friend,

But your usefulness has finally reached its end,

You've served me well through thin and thick,

I hate to do this; I'll make it quick..."

I stared her down and charged up the lightning in my finger,

With one mighty blow, I planned to fling her,

From the land of living to the land of the dead,

And grind her bones to make my bread!

I held out my hand like Iron Man might,

And struck out at Zelda with a bolt of blue light,

With an unnaturally fast dodge, she evaded the blast,

"Damn!" I said, "How'd you get that fast!"

"I'm faster than you ever were!" she said with a scowl,

"Oh yeah," I said, "You may be fast, but I'm wiser than an owl,

I would have known that you'd dodge to that side,

Now I have one last word to you I'd confide!"

"I don't want to hear it!" she howled, "You’re just strange!"

"I know," I said, "But you jumped right into range!

From here my blade takes exactly one spin,

Even you couldn't dodge that to save your skin!"

And from there at that moment, I threw my frog-sticker,

It flew through the air quick, but Zelda was quicker,

"Look at that," she said, "I caught your little knife,

You'll have to do better than that to divest me of my life!"

"Oh," I said, "But for your skill I had already planned;

Lightning's drawn towards that blade like a thrown stone to land!"

At that moment my shock finally hit her,

"Aaarrrhhh!" she screamed, the sound so bitter,

"Look at you now..." I said, "Laying there in the dirt,

Now, old friend, I'll try not to make this hurt!"

Around us, the battle raged from ground to air,

Zelda glanced up at me in despair,

I charged my hands with lightning, and my mind with the Force,

And just when I didn't think it could get any worse,

A streak of fire crossed the sky,

Dropping an angel archer like a fly,

I turned to see the source of the blast,

And saw a demon archer with his arrows amassed,

He saw me standing there and took a shot,

I struck him with the full destructive power of this battle station, saying, "I think not!"

The very second I turned around,

Zelda was no longer on the ground,

She was glaring straight at me what do you know,

Down a shaft on the fallen angel's bow!

"Now let's see who's gonna expire!" she said with a grunt,

"I've always wanted to go on a wild gorilla hunt,

There's no escape, former master, I have you now,

You've threatened me more times than I can allow,

You keep me out of your mind with your wall of hate,

Well, I'm building my own at an impressive rate,

Apparently you'd kill me, and I'd kill you too,

Your usefulness has run out, if you only knew,

How much it pains me to do you in,

You'd think you were torturing me, and grin!"

Now far behind me, the battle had reached its height,

The devils on the left and the angels on the right!

The fight lit the sky and shook the land,

Jesus and the Devil were fighting it out hand-to-hand!

Their health meters were both quite low,

And a good amount of eternal blood did flow!

Zelda looked down the shaft and shed a hateful tear,

For the first time in years, I felt the cold grip of Fear,

I knew that a shot from her would drop my sorry butt like a sparrow,

The cold rain began to fall again as she looked down the arrow,

I was too far away to fire a defensive zap,

There was no shield to speak of, what the crap!

"Any last words?" she yelled from across the gap,

"I'm sorry!" I shouted; she shouted back "Liar!"

And she drew the bow to full length, and then did fire!

And as I stood there, awaiting my death,

The arrow missed me, just by a hair's breath,

There was no way that she would have missed such an easy shot,

Unless, of course, the target, I was not!

I spun around, and saw where the arrow had hit,

And when I did, I nearly did a shit!

Zelda's shot had done anything but failed,

Where the devil and Jesus had fought, they lay impaled!

"What the..." I said to myself in awe,

I stood amazed at the sight I then saw,

From the firmament echoed forth a hideous sound,

Angels fell from the sky and died on the ground,

Devils screamed, and turned to ash where they fell,

Chaos abounded in both heaven and hell,

The earth was black and the sky was red,

For the first time forever, God was dead!

"With the fall of Satan," I mused, "And the collapse of the Trinity,

Who's then left to assume the new divinity?"

I looked to Zelda where she stood outlined by blood-red light,

"I think," she said, "That was worth cancelling our little fight,

You don't honestly think I'd miss such a ripe opportunity?

Maybe as the new gods, we can find a more agreeable unity!"