Part 1 “This is Team Delta of Earth, we are on approach to the Bastion, requesting clearance to dock, over.” Announces the ship master to the control tower at Bastion. Clutching on to my Iron 4-I re-enforced steel seatbelt, I start to go over the speech in my head, fixing any errors or provocative vocabulary present in it. I mean, I have to be careful, some of these creatures can be real bastards if you don’t watch your tongue. I know that all too well. Especially the Zordons, don’t get me started on them, I can recall five instances where I got executed by a Zordon necro blaster just because I refered to them as “you” instead of “respected Zordon delegation”. Yep, that’s right, can’t use pronouns on these bastards, not unless you like to get your head blown off or starting a whole new war with them. Luckily for me my powers allow me to turn back time if I fuck up. If I have to be honest, more than half of all our wars with them could have been avoided if our delegation didn’t use pronouns on them. “Roger that Earthling, you are cleared to dock. Maintain current velocity and proceed to docking gate Centauri 4. You will be greeted by Marnfer Gunyaal of Proxima Centauri. Welcome to the Bastion, we wish you all the best for the symposium“. A crackling voice replies to the ship master over the radio intercom. “All stations, hands on deck, prepare for docking. Security team 141, prep your equipment and prepare to escort the ambassador. You are to remain with him at all times, no exceptions”, the ship master commands through the ship’s communications brig. “Ambassador, your presence is required in the command ops center please proceed there immediately”. I head over to the command center where I see president Van Berg on the screen waving to me from inside the Earth Orbital command station near Mars. “Ambassador, I don’t have to remind you how important this is, we need to secure peace with the Zordo-Fenshi alliance in this symposium. You’ve done it before, and I know you can do it now. You know the golden rule, NO PRONOUNS WHATSOEVER. Please ambassador, the planet is counting on you”. “I wont let you down, Mr.President” “I know you won’t. Just make me proud. Make us proud. Phoenix out” with that the screen fades to black and Van Berg’s face disappears from the screen. Ship Master Admiral Fontane enters the command ops, “Docking is complete, ship is in perfect condition, and we are about to commence refuelling. It’s time Mr.Ambassador, that Gunyaal fellow is waiting for you” “Thank you Fontane, that was an amazing journey. I guess I’ll see you after the symposium is over” I reply I proceed to enter the Bastion where I am greeted by Marnfer Gunyaal, the Centaurian. “I hope the journey wasn’t too tiring, Ambassador. The bastion is located extremely far away from your great, mighty planet, my only wish in the whole of my worthless life is to see the bastion moved closer to your………” “Gunyaal, we don’t have time for this Centauri servitude bullshit, just take me to the meeting room with the alliance so that I can get my job done” I tell him with a firm voice, interrupting the Centaurian brown-nosing formality. “As you wish, ambassador of such a mighty planet. Your wish is the command that I wish to keep receiving throughout the entirety of my worthless existence, right this way, superior creature, I will lead you to the meeting room at once” replies Gunyaal with his soft Centaurian voice native to Proxima Centauri. What the fuck? You must be wondering. Well here’s the thing. Proxima Centauri was among the first interstellar creations Earth discovered during the great interstellar colonisation period. We essentially funded the entirety of the Centaurians civilization for quite a while and they are ever so grateful to us. The trick with these buggers is getting them to submit to you. Assert dominance, don’t pay any heed to their brown nosing, think of it as their duty to treat you with respect. You do that and they will submit. I try to think of them as things instead of creatures and try to treat them as such but that is too far even for someone as heartless as me. I mean after a certain point it’s just adorable how much they suck up to us. You’d be wise to remember that the next time you meet a Centaurian.
As I enter the meeting room, Sarthis Malborn, a hulking giant announces my arrival to the rest of the delegations. “Ambassador of the Empire of Earth, representative of President Loyten Van Berg, has arrived”.
“You didn’t have to announce that Malborn, I am sure we can all smell inferiority when it walks into a room. HAH” exclaims the Zordonian bastard in an attempt to get some cheap laughter
“Oh how charming, a beautiful Earthling arrives. Tell us creature. What do you seek? More resources, another war perhaps?” taunts the relatively more level headed representative of the Fenshi super empire. This representative in particular has quite a prominent history with me, I think she actually likes me. Nah, she’s probably just manipulative.