”But you must surely understand that this is not the medieval anymore?” Mr. Caralhaw adjusted his glasses and shot his client a skeptic look.
”I know, I know”, his client sighed. He had expected this shit, nobody understood him anymore. ”But nobody understands me anymore”, he said. ”They don't know what they're getting when they buy into my brand. It's almost like they think I'm into mindfulness or something these days.”
”Well, aren't you?” Mr. Caralhaw sounded genuinely surprised. His client fixed him with his coldest stare. He was quite proud of it, actually. Had taken him several hours in front of the mirror over the years. ”No, I'm not.” He decided to change the subject. ”Anyway, I'm fine with getting the crazies, I've always liked them. But recently, I only seem to attract the most narcissistic crazies, those who don't do any worshiping and hardly even burn churches anymore. Can you imagine?” He was genuinely upset now.
”Yes, unfortunately we seem to have had a steady decline in the worshiping and burning of churches since the eighties. Those inclined to adoration of the supernal seem to have moved their activities in more... celestial directions. Things are not what they used to be.”
”You're not kidding”, his client exclaimed. ”I thought that I could take some time off to prepare for the new baby, but obviously that was asking for too much. After all this time and work...”
Mr. Caralhaw dared a faint smile. ”Well, yes, parenting often affects the career negatively, I'm afraid. But let's focus on solutions now...” He looked through his papers again. ”I have created a suggestion for a model that I think will appeal to the target group's sense of self worth, while still leaving space for the acknowledgement of higher powers. Would you please have a look at –”
”No”, his client said sharply. ”I will not cater to those megalomanic good-for-nothings anymore. The customers of the rivaling firm at least remained loyal to the brand while the CEO was on infant care leave. Never mind that they slaughtered the brat later. My own clients wouldn't even cut me that much slack. So much for that allegiance...”
”So... what will you do?” Mr. Caralhaw was frustrated to see two weeks' worth of work being thus brushed aside without the slightest consideration, but of course he concealed his feelings carefully.
”I will leave them to their deluded practices for the time being. I'm needed elsewhere, I have to take care of my family. But when the baby has come and I'm back at the office, I will conduct an exhaustive revision of the organization. Ineffective people and programs will be weeded out and replaced. I will rain fire upon my so-called followers and slaughter them in their beds. I will tear down their puny altars to themselves. And then I will start from scratch.” He rose from his chair and collected his jacket and his briefcase.
”Are you sure you want to engage in such a thorough re-organization? It will require both time and funds, and –”
”Yes, I'm sure. This will soon turn into a family business, and I want to be able to pass on something solid to my son. Good day, Mr. Caralhaw. Thank you for your time.” And with that, Satan opened the door and left the office.
Mr. Caralhaw remained behind his desk, wearily looking down at all his futile work and wondering, not for the first time, why he even bothered.
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