[NSFW] Well, I don't think it's smart to post anything we'd like to publish online, but I can't afford an editor and would LOVE some critique / feedback. Mine is a bit NSFW:
“It’s a reaction to… well, her,” he explained, pointing at my now-yellow hair.
“It’s the same thing that happened to me. Apparently she likes blondes.”
“That’s rude. You haven’t even introduced me properly,” the witch whispered. “Though the blonde thing is true, they taste like honey.”
“Sorry,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Her name is Luzia.”
“But you can call me Lucy,” she said. I couldn’t see her, but I could feel her weight as she sat down on my lap, wrapping both arms around my shoulders.
“Why is she invisible?” I asked, trying to push her off.
“How bold!” she responded. “So you would be comfortable with people seeing me caressing you in the nude?” She stroked my hair behind my ear, “and out in public, of all places. Darling, you are too much!”
Remy only looked on, sipping on his coffee.
“What the hell? You’re nude? Can’t you do something about her?” I asked Remy.
“Not really. I kind of owe her. I’m not really one-hundred percent on the details.”
“I own him,” she responded. “He’s my slave.”
“Okay. Both of you. Explain. What the hell is going on?” I looked, as angrily as I could, in the direction I assumed her face was.
“Well, my love,” she began. “Right now you’re being very rude to a lady who is trying to show you affection.” I could feel her breath getting close to my ear. “Or are you just playing hard-to-get?”
“Off!” I demanded.
“Boring,” she complained, and suddenly the weight released from my lap.
“You,” I looked towards Remy, sitting across from me. “Explain.”
She appeared instead, materializing out of thin air, sprawled out on her back on the table between us, her head hanging off the edge, looking up at me.
“What would you like me to explain to you?” she asked, lifting a leg up in the air and stroking it slowly downwards with her fingertips. “How you came to be so infatuated with me?”
“I asked him, not you,” I said, growing frustrated.
“Well, you were looking right at me,” she complained as she disappeared again. I double-checked around us to make sure no one saw her. The only other people at the café were a man in a white suit, turned away from us, his eyes buried in his newspaper, and the barista who was sleeping in the rec room and only popped back out when he heard the chime of the door.
“Don’t worry. She only does it to embarrass you. She’s very careful not to get caught. She could be a lot worse,” Remy told me. “If she really wanted to, there’s no way to fight her. She’s a succubus, we think.”
“A very hungry succubus,” she moaned, massaging my shoulders from behind. “All I need is a kiss--though we could do a lot more if you ask me nicely.”
“And what does that make Remy,” I asked, not bothering to conceal my irritation with her. “An incubus?”
“No,” she laughed. “He’s just a puppy.” He shrugged at the remark.
“Then what did he do to that… guy.” I sighed, and looked to Remy. “Remy… thank you for that, by the way. I really thought he was going to… well… is he… did you kill him?”
“No,” Luzia whispered, breathing on the back of my neck. “Would you like me to, though? I’m starved. Although, I would prefer a taste of you.” I could feel her breath, and sensed her tongue near my neck, that strange tingle when someone gets too close, that static energy between two bodies.
“Oh my God, go away!” I yelled at her. The man in the white suit put down his paper and looked back at us. I held my hands up in apology.
“You’ve gotta get that voice under control, girl,” Remy said, laughing. “People are going to think I’m harassing you.”
“You are!” I took a deep breath and leaned in towards him. “At least you usually do. All the time, in fact.” I turned my head towards where Luzia just was, “thank you Luzia, but I think the police can take care of him from here.”
She appeared behind Remy, and blew me a kiss and a wink over his shoulder.
“I’m going to go get a bite to eat,” she said. “You two lovebirds should head home, it’s getting dark out. Don’t worry, I’ll visit you later tonight, if you want.”
With that, the smoke that lingered at the tips of her hair poured down over her body, slowly forming into a red and black dress that hugged her curves, and her skin changed to a human complexion. She thought about her look for a second and made her skin a bit darker, leaving a bikini tan around her shoulders.
Leaning over to expose her cleavage to me, she gave me a sly smile. “Up here, love,” she said, all bubbly, pointing to her eyes. The irises were changing from green to blue, and back again. “Which one?”
“Green,” I murmured, stricken.
She blinked twice and her eyes flashed a deep emerald green, yellow flickers of light dancing at the edges. She licked her lips and her now-pink tongue perfectly coated them with a wet, crimson lipstick. “Wish me luck,” she giggled, walking over to the man in the white suit.
“Excuse me, mister,” she called to him with a forced accent. “Which is the best hotel nearby? I am so bad with directions and have nowhere to sleep tonight!”