In the forest, Goldilocks waded through a thick layer of carbon dioxide, coughing heavily. If she was ever going to live in the suburbs and work her way towards becoming the first fictional female president, she needed to take drastic measures. She was on her way to the mysterious house in the middle of the woods to sell some fundraising cookies. But as she squinted to see the house, she could also see Little Red Riding Hood about to knock on the door. Without hestitation, Goldilocks pull out her assault rifle and shot Little Red Riding Hood. "Nobody gets in the way of my American dream!" she whispered. Hearing the shots, the homeowners opened the door, a good, hardworking, honest couple of bears. Ignoring Red Riding (she was an immigrant), they waved at Goldilocks in the distance, beckoning her over.
Mama bear was a kind, oppressed woman, wearing an oversized sweater with a picture of a cat on it. Papa bear was a good, strong man, who was proud of his house in the forest. Goldilocks stepped into the nearest SUV, and drove it the 40 metres to the house. As she stepped out, her bleached blonde hair got caught in her American Flag bikini. "Where did you get those?" Papa bear asked.
"Discount implant emporium" Goldilocks shared, before stepping over Red Riding Hood and into the humble abode. Upon entering, Goldilocks saw a massive table, filled with food.
"Help yourself" Mama Bear insisted.
Goldilocks tried the turkey, but there was not enough bacon. She then tried the bacon, but there was not enough sugar. She finally tried the burger, and it was just right. "That was delicious!" Goldilocks gleamed. "I'm here to sell the cookies I made to raise money for my college fund!" she exclaimed. Papa Bear gladly bought one, and bit into it, searching for reasons to sue Goldilocks. Goldlilocks yawned.
"Tired?" Asked Mama Bear.
"Yes." Answered Goldilocks.
"Please make yourself at home and have a nap!" Mama Bear proceeded, before showing Goldlilocks her options.
"I'll take these ones!" Goldilocks reached out for the largest pile of medicine, before hesitating. "Oh, do I need..."
"You don't have health insurance?" Mama Bear fumed. Goldilocks cried, so Mama Bear quickly took all of her medicine and threw it on the fire.
As Papa Bear returned, there was a knock at the door. It was the sherrif, and he aked for Goldlilocks. In cuffs, she was quickly escorted away, and, without knowing her crime or receiving a fair trial, Goldlilocks was quickly locked away in solitary. How would she become President now? Perhaps dreaming the American dream would save her, she repeated to herself over and over.