A Day in the Life of Us
I woke Myself up at a quarter to nine. I was never one to sleep in late on a Saturday, just too much to do with all the free time that the weekend had to offer. Myself, on the other hand, always slept in late into the afternoon hours. I never knew how Myself could do it, but every weekend was the same.
"Wake up sleepy head," I said while pulling the blankets off Myself.
Rolling to the other side of the bed Myself just gave the sleepy reply of, "Mmmpphhh. Just five more minutes."
"Come on, get up. Don't forget what's going on today - or has the alcohol finally crippled that brain? Anyways, breakfast will be on the table soon!" I cheerily said. Knowing that it would take Myself a bit to get around, I started to go through the piles of clothes on the floor that Myself just sporadically threw on the floor before going to bed to look for something clean to wear. Upon finding some clean clothes, I threw them at Myself and said, "Get into the shower for a few, it will help."
With that said, I walked into the kitchen to start breakfast. I knew that a nice hot breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast - along with several cups of coffee - would give Myself that get up and go feeling that breakfast provides.
I first started to brew the coffee, since it would arouse the sleeping beast that Myself could be. As soon as the aroma of the coffee began to fill the house, I saw Myself get up and slowly trudge towards the bathroom.
While pouring a cup of coffee I just smiled at Myself. Myself, on the other hand, shot a tired ugly look of `just a few more hours sleep, bastard.'
While I was in the kitchen cooking breakfast, Myself looked deep into the mirror. It had been a long hard night of partying - the kind that I never took part in - and the look of the face in the mirror, the smoky-acidy taste in the mouth, and the all around feeling of grimy grossness told Myself that it had been a great night. Raising a toothbrush to a smile that only a chicken could appreciate, Myself proceeded with the task of a complete and total body wash down.
Back in the kitchen, I was just beginning to cook the eggs when there was a knock at the door. Turning the flame off, I walked to the door to see who it was.
It was, of course, Me.
"What`s up?" I said opening the door to let Me in.
"Nothin`. Just thought about stopping by to see what was going on around here," was the reply as I took the coat from Me and hung it on the coat hanger.
Walking into the kitchen I turned to Me and asked, "Want some eggs? It'll only take a few moments to get them started up."
"Sure, why not. It'll be nice to have something in the gullet," came the reply from Me while pouring a cup of coffee. "Want a refill?"
"Sure, it's on the table."
"So how long was Myself out for?"
"Oh, until 3 am. It's always the same with Myself, out partying until the sun comes up. Well, that is except for last night - had to cut it short so as not to miss the wedding."
"What? Who would marry Myself?"
"No, it's a distant relation to Myself that is getting married," I said while grabbing some eggs from the fridge.
"Well that sounds like fun!" came a sarcastic reply from Me.
Cracking eggs into an omelet, I looked at Me and continued with, "Any plans today?"
"Nah. It’s a couch day. Sugar or cream?"
"No, just straight."
"Ugh, that's nasty. Gotta have coffee like women - all sweet and creamy," came the typical response that only Me could give.
Finishing up the breakfast meal, I walked over and took the cup of coffee that was poured by Me. I took a long swig out of it and then began the task of setting the table. By this time, Myself had finally finished showering. As was typical, Myself walked out of the shower with only a towel on.
"Forgot to grab some clothes," Myself said to no one in particular while walking towards the bedroom. Just before reaching the room, the doorbell rang.
"Got it!" I said, springing from the table towards the front door.
"Don't bother," Myself replied while opening the door.
"Hello. Nice towel," a voice giggled.
It was You.
"Yeah..," Myself said while showing a full body blush, "thinking about going native today."
"Didn't realize natives wore Sears and Roebuck loincloths."
"Ha ha, funny funny," Myself replied.
Turning to go into the bedroom, I practically ran into Myself. "Uh, it's for Me, roomy."
"It's not for Me!" I said letting You into the house.
Raising arms to a mock defensive stance, Myself said, "Sorry. No need to get so whiney," and walked away from the two.
Ignoring the remarks, I turned to You and asked, "Want to come upstairs for a little privacy?"
"What for?" You asked, flashing a devilish grin.
"No, not that. Wouldn't mind it though, but just to talk for a bit in privacy," I said.
"All right, let's go lover," You said as the two ascended the stairs.
As soon as You and I were out of sight, Myself walked out of the other bedroom and went up to Me asking, "What the hell was that all about?"
"What? Don't know, huh?"
"No."
"You and I are dating."
"You and I are dating?"
"Yep."
Myself looked astonished by the news. "Huh, always thought I was gay."
"What?" laughed Me. "No, no. Not I."
"Really?"
"Yep. I started dating You after what happened with Her."
"What! Get out of here. Her too? Really?"
"Man Myself, got any idea what goes on around here at all? Just use this pad as a place to crash after a long night of debauchery, huh?"
"Yeah, so. So what happened to Her? That girl's got it going on!"
"Well, I caught Her with Him."
"No kidding! But wasn't She seeing Him?"
"No, She left Him after He proposed."
"So He finally dropped the big question, huh?"
"Apparently that was what She wanted all along. He was just to chicken to ask."
"So after all of these years, those two are finally getting hitched."
"Yeah, He just didn't know how good it was until She was gone."
"Ok ok, let's see if this is right," Myself said to Me. "I was dating Her. Then I caught Her with Him. She was seeing Him, even though it was He that She really wanted." Pausing for a moment to look at Me, Myself continued with, "And now, somehow, You and I are an item, right?"
"Yep, You and I are an item."
"Just one last thing; are Him and Her together at all?"
"Think so."
"That sucks... wouldn't've minded a bite out of that." pondered Myself. "Life is quite the soap opera, huh?"
"It sure is."
"Ugh, to hell with it. Need food, hungry..." Myself said while lumbering into one of the kitchen chairs. "Man, nights like last night can really build up an appetite." "Diddo. Got any hot sauce?"
"Fridge, second shelf on the door. Right next to the mustard and olives." That was the last thing Myself said to Me until the food that was on the table had almost completely vanished.
Meanwhile, upstairs You and I had gotten into a heated debate.
"That was unbelievable," You squealed.
"The talent comes from the touch," I said.
"Well, those are very talented fingers."
Laughing, I said, "Massaging back and neck muscles is the second best way to relieve tensions."
"Yeah, well what's the first?" You slyly asked.
"Winning the lottery, derr."
"Sure, sure. So how about that game?"
"Starts at 1 pm, best get a move on it while there is still good parking."
"Yeah, but let's grab a bite to eat before going since breakfast is already on the table," I said.
Heading downstairs, I gloomily looked at the kitchen table. There was nothing left but dirty dishes.
"Who ate all the damn food!" I said to Myself.
"It was mainly Me."
"Where did..."
"Got a phone call," Myself interjected. "Sounded like an emergency. Took off with the rest of the bacon and eggs in a sandwich. Just can't win with some people, huh? Anyways, got a wedding to go to."
"Well, have fun," I said.
"Probably won't until the reception, but that's just the way it goes, right?" Myself said.
After Myself had left the house, I stared at the table full of dirty dishes.
"Worry about it later, honey. Maybe grab something to eat on the way," You said. "All right, does Anywhere sound good?" I asked while walking hand in hand with You to the car.
"No, can`t stand the food there. How about Nowhere?"
"Sure, whatever, food's food," I said.
I was about to open the door for You when Myself burst through the door. "Hey You, got any jumper cables? The battery to the car is dead - must have left the lights on last night."
"Sorry, no."
"How about a ride?" Myself asked.
"Not enough time, the game starts within a half an hour. Besides, the wedding doesn't start for another two hours, right?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"So call a cab."
"Guess that's the thing to do. Maybe after the game… possibly pick up some jumper cables?"
"Sure, that wouldn't be a problem."
By this time, You had already gotten into the car and warmed it up and Myself started to page through the Yellow Pages looking for a cab company. Knowing nothing more could be done about the car until later I left Myself alone.