"Sir, the IQ test came back as... Zero." "What? That's not possible, run it again." "I have, multiple times. Different iterations, different connection nodes. They all come back the same. Do you think that..." The assistant trailed off and leaned into Doctor Z's ear. His face contorted from annoyance to I piped up.
"I'm sorry, what? Is something wrong?" The doctor looked back at me on the table with a look that was equal parts amazement and amused beguilement." "No... No absolutely not Adam, just a slight testing error, I'm sure. Please don't be worried, and lie back down if you could on the table, if you would please." Well as long as he didn't think anything was wrong, that was fine. I don't see how an IQ test could come back as zero, but I'm sure it wasn't anything that I did. They kept telling me that I couldn't do anything wrong and to just answer honestly. Doctor Z sat in his chair and put his pen to his mouth. "If I'm right this could be interesting. Did we do individual assessments?" The assistant scrambled through a chart on his clipboard. "Yes, and THAT'S the damnedest thing. On the older type tests, the original IQ tests run until the mid 2030s before electronic testing and brain mapping, it comes back fine, great even. Near the 99th percentile in logic, learning, problem solving. A bit low in creativity was the only thing not at those levels. Anyway, when we put it all together in the electronic scan and mapping it just has... zero." "Ninety-ninth?" I said in astonishment. "That's great but that can't be right, I've been an average student all my life, mostly Bs, but never that many As and..." "Adam, please" Doctor Z interjected, "As I said, nothing is wrong and I have all the confidence in the world in your intelligence- even if you don't- if you could just stay calm and quick for a moment..." He looked back at the assistant. "I think we may be essentially looking at something akin to multiplying or dividing by zero here. Think about it Steven: Intelligence is a factor of all those things you mentioned function all together, including self-awareness and creativity. If one or both of those are zero, the test will reflect that the entire subject's intelligence level is zero since a natural born brain would never have a zero sum in any of those, regardless of cognitive ability or lack thereof..." Self-Awareness? Creativity? Non-existent? No way, this was getting out of hand and this visit was over. I tried to sit up. I couldn't. I tried to speak up. I couldn't. I started to panic for what seemed like an eternity until almost like being released from a vice grip I spasmed and rolled off the table, rasping for air and trying to stutter out anything to let them know I needed to go. "Need... to leave.. feel terrible..." All Dr. Z did as I tried to stand was smile. "Well I'll be damned, it took the request literally. Sit down and stay quiet for a moment. I'll bet you anything Steven that he did that for exactly one minute." "Why... why... aren't you helping me..." I had to make it to the door. I started to crawl... "Oh hell, the clash between the obedience trigger and the identity processing must be affecting the overall performance in light of an existential quandry. What was the damn code phrase?" Almost to the door, I though Dr. Z or his assistance might try to stop me but they didn't, they just stood there. "OK, "if you would, please" and thank you for light coaxing... "Would you kindly" for moderate.... Oh that's right, we didn't get to the extreme phrase yet on this model. Stop command then would be... Adam, I need you to listen to me!