Buses. I see it every day. Picturing it in my head. Why did I wish that? Why was I so vague? Why did it have to come true?!

I'm sitting here, paranoid, in my twelfth floor apartment as far away from the window as I can. My leg wrapped in plaster from the last time and the wound on my shoulder still seeping from where the infection hit from the trip back from the hospital. I've lost count now. I am 30 years old now and the number must be in the tens of thousands, I stopped counting about 12 years ago. Sometimes they are small, insignificant. Other times I am out of action for weeks. Nobody believes me. Nowhere is safe.

It was spawned by envy I think, I was just not as good as Jason, not at anything the popular kids liked anyway. If only they liked reading, or drawing?! I was top in the class for Mathematics and Sciences, but this does not make you popular at such a tender young age. The last straw came at a P.E. lesson in school, we were to play football and as usual the teacher lazily chose Captains (Jason was one) and they then set about choosing the bestest, most popularest, team as they could. I was not the worst there, far from it, but I was always one of the last to be picked. I like to think it was because I wasn't interested in playing as opposed to not being liked.

Last but one this time. Things are looking up. Though I am not on Jason's team.

I was in goal, the far end of the pitch alongside the main road.

As with every school football game there were plenty of goals, nobody concentrating and very little teamwork. Before half time were actually winning 12 - 8 and I had saved the last 3 of Jason's attempts on goal to rapturous applause of the 3 spectators. 1 of which was unwell and the other two had forgotten their kit. Jason was getting unnerved by my sudden uprising in goal keeping ability so he started using a child's equivalent of psychological warfare.

"Your Mum is a butt!" He shouted as he ran toward my goal with the ball. (We were only 11, and this was the 90's without decent internet to learn proper insults)

This obviously riled me beyond belief.

His shot scored and I gestured to the ball over the other side of the road for him to get it as I was too angry to say anything. In my head I thought to myself 'I wish I was better than him at everything he did'.

That was when a bus hit him on the pavement.