[WP] It's your first time doing stand-up and you've completely forgotten all of your jokes.

"And coming to the stage...give it up for Daaaaave!"

Shit that sounds awful. I should have thought of a stage name. Do people use stage names in comedy?

"Dave! To the stage please Dave!"

Well...it's now or never. I grab my grubby yellow notebook and start jogging up to the stage.

"Dave! There you are! Alright everyone, this is Dave's first time on stage with us, so give him a warm welcome."

My heart drops. The crowd does sound welcoming enough, but now they know that I don't know what I'm doing. Do I know what I'm doing? What is this garbage I wrote down? 'Tiny Books'? That's not funny. There's nothing funny about books.

"So...um...hello. Yes, this is my first time. Ha! Er...yeah."

cough

"How's everyone doing tonight?"

Terrible!

"Ah...yes...um."

Holy god this is terrifying. And why are the lights so bright? I can't see the edge of the stage!

"Give me a second to get set up here...ah, yeah, I need to move this stool so I can set my notebook down."

The stage is just a back room of a bar. Most of the patrons are more concerned with their drinks and conversation. Two PA speakers, a mic stand, and a wooden stool were the only tools I had to 'make with the funny'.

I knock over the stool like a complete jack-ass, set it up on the other side of the mic stand and put my notebook on it. I realize that I can't read the notebook at that range so i just pick it back up.

"Man, if I was any more organized I could get government work!"

Feedback shrieks at the end of 'work' drowning out the pity chuckle and eliciting a few groans.

"Did you guys hear the one about the guy that came on stage un-prepared and wasted everyone's time? Yeah, sorry about that."

I stick the mic in the stand, hang my head, and walk directly to an exist. The MC ran up and asked for thanks or applause, I couldn't tell because I was already writing this chapter of my life off.

I give a sob/chuckle to myself as I light a cigarette. Pathetic. Why did I think I could do this? I sigh and start walking to my car when the door opens and someone calls out to me.

"Hey! You left your notebook!"

The cocktail waitress from the back room was holding my notebook up like I had forgotten my wallet. She pulled out a cigarette as she walked over to me.

"Have you got a light? I want to hear your joke about tiny boobs."

/r/WritingPrompts Thread